


The Bargain

by Rattlesnake



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Feelings, M/M, Mildly Dubious Consent, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-04-25 23:31:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 27,705
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14389392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Rattlesnake/pseuds/Rattlesnake
Summary: Are you serious?“ Hux’s gloved finger pointed at one of the lines in Kylo’s elaborate handwriting. “Sex once a week?”“Yes.” Kylo had contemplated writing twice a week, but he hadn’t wanted to risk his chances.“Don’t you think that’s asking a bit too much?”“I would agree to every other week.”When Hux suggests for them so set up a contract to regulate their collaboration, Ren thinks that his chance is finally here. But does he really get what he bargained for?





	1. Chapter 1

Are you serious?“ General Hux who was sitting perfectly poised at his desk looked up at Kylo Ren. There was only a slight frown on his face. “Or is this supposed to be some kind of joke?”

“It was your idea that we should write down what we want from this collaboration, as you call it. And that’s what I did.”

Hux’s gloved finger pointed at one of the lines in Kylo’s elaborate handwriting. “Sex once a week?”

“Yes.” Kylo had contemplated writing twice a week, but he hadn’t wanted to risk his chances.

“Don’t you think that’s asking a bit too much?”

“I would agree to every other week.”

“Ren! I mean asking me for sex in general. You do realize I’m not some kind of sex droid, right?”

“Yes, I’m aware of that. It’s quite obvious.”

“I’m just surprised you’d even be thinking of anything like that.”

“Are you really?” Ren had been sure that even Hux must have realized by now how much Ren wanted to sleep with him. There had been two or three occasions when it had been painfully obvious. But he seemed genuinely surprised.

“Well,” Hux gestured towards the piece of paper that Ren was holding. “Have you read my demands?”

“I have.”

“And you would agree to them?” Hux suddenly seemed anxious now. “To all of them?”

“Well…” Ren took another look at the paper. There was nothing that seemed overly problematic. Hux hadn’t even asked for longer resting cycles or shore leave or anything like that. “Yes.”

Hux leaned back in his chair, closed his eyes and took a deep breath. His features seemed to relax a fraction and Ren who had always found him fascinating was a little mesmerized at how beautiful this made him look. 

Hux opened his eyes and grabbed for his pen. It had been his idea to write this treaty the old fashioned way but Kylo liked the pen and paper method. Even though it had been strange to hold a pen again. Hux signed the piece of paper in front of him and Ren’s heart started beating a little faster. Hux had agreed! He had agreed to sleep with him. Ren hurried to sign the treaty himself. 

“So I’m going to be Grand Marshal.” Hux folded his hands and a triumphant little smirk appeared on his lips. “When can I tell the crew?”

“Whenever you want to.” Ren felt a little indulgent right now. 

“Excellent. Do you want to schedule our first encounter right away?” Hux pulled his datapad towards himself, business-like.

“Our what?”

“You know our …” Hux made a gesture that had absolutely nothing to do with sex but Ren understood him anyway. 

“You want to make an appointment?”

“Of course. As you can imagine my time schedule is tight. And it would have to be a mutual resting cycle, right?” He scrolled through his calendar, frowning. 

“How long do you presume it’s going to take? Fifteen minutes?” 

Ren looked at him incredulously. 

“Alright, we’ll make that twenty.”

“Hux…”

“How about in three cycles? I think I can make some room for you then.”

Ren had been about to protest Hux’s handling of the whole situation but the prospect of finally sleeping with Hux in only three cycles was simply too tempting. All his resolve disappeared. “Alright”, he said. 

“Very good.” Hux rested his chin on his folded hands. “I’ll place my order for a year’s supply of Tarine tea then and you should get ready for the first meeting with the troops in one standard hour. It’ll be good to finally have you there.”

Right. Ren remembered reading about those two demands in Hux’s part of the treaty. They had seemed completely insignificant compared to his own greatest desire finally being fulfilled. But in hindsight the meetings he had agreed to attend would be a real pain. He sighed inwardly. At least he was sure it would be worth it.

*

Strange as it seemed, Ren was actually nervous before their first encounter as Hux called it. Or maybe it wasn’t strange at all. Ever since he’d managed to get Snoke out of the way and make sure Hux was his second in command and thus always by his side he had tried to get under his general’s skin. His complete failure in that regard had led to various stages of desperation and outbreaks of violence. Hux seemed to be immune to anything that Ren associated with flirting: Aggressiveness, rivalry, snide remarks…

At some point he had even changed his strategy and started to behave more gently towards the general: Putting a hand to his back when they walked side by side, carrying stuff for him, threatening stormtroopers who failed to impress their leader. 

All he had achieved was to confuse Hux. And now this chance had come along and while he was on his way to Hux’s quarters he was more than glad that he had taken the risk of simply asking for what he wanted. Even though he couldn’t completely rid himself of the stinging feeling that Hux had only agreed because he wanted to be Grand Marshall so badly.

The First Order propaganda posters he passed on his way only reinforced that idea, because they already showed Hux wearing the insignia of his new position and the writing read: Your Grand Marshall is here for you.

Well, Ren only hoped that was true for him, too.

The doors to Hux’s quarters slid open when he approached, saving him the trouble of using the force. He knew that it was the beginning of Hux’s resting circle and he was really eager to see what he would be wearing. He had never seen him without his uniform. Even the glimpse of a wrist was a rarity and always made Ren wish he could at least take some of his clothing off, reveal the soft-looking milk-white skin underneath…

Hux was sitting at his desk in his uniform and greatcoat. Ren sighed. 

“Hello Ren”, Hux said. It didn’t seem as if he had been waiting for Ren, let alone anticipating what was about to take place. He seemed completely taken in by whatever he was writing on his console. “I’ll be with you in a minute.”

“It’s alright”, Ren said, taking a seat on the sofa in the middle of the room that looked as if it had never been used. “Take your time.”

He looked around and realized that nothing in here suggested the room had a permanent resident. It looked meticulously well-kept and completely impersonal. More like a guest room than a home. He was a little disappointed in fact, having hoped he might get to know Hux a little better by visiting his quarters. Then again he was going to get to know him more intimately than possibly anyone ever had. That thought sent a warm shiver down his spine. He could hardly wait.

Hux finally got up with a last longing look at his datapad that Ren didn’t miss. 

The general walked over to the small bar next to the sofa and came back with two glasses containing a dark red liquid. He handed one of them to Ren.

“What is it?” Ren asked.

“It’s called Drops of Eros,” Hux explained. I did some research, and this is supposed to be relaxing and eroticising. Many people drink it before having sex.”  
“Oh.” Ren was genuinely impressed. “Good idea.” He took a nip from his glass. The liquid was extremely sweet and heavily scented. He didn’t really like it and he certainly didn’t need any more stimulation but he drank it anyway.

Hux also drained his glass, pulling a face. “You got tested in medbay as I asked? For sexually transmitted diseases?”

Trust Hux to spoil any mood.

“Of course. I would never put you in any danger. I’m good.”

“Thank you. So where should we do this?” Hux asked. “The couch? The bed?”

Ren would have preferred just to start and see where things lead them, but it was probably better if he did this Hux’s way. “The bed?”

“Alright. Follow me please.”

Ren felt as if being ushered to one of those meeting he hated so much and it almost spoiled his mood. Almost, because after two years of wanting Hux more than anything he’d ever wanted something in his life, there was no way a little awkwardness could ruin this. There were resting cycles when he was rolling around in his bed alone, wanting Hux so bad, masturbation wasn’t enough anymore and left him even more dissatisfied. So he was going to go through with this.

They stood in Hux’s bedroom next to each other and Ren looked around to see anything remotely personal. The only unusual thing he saw were a few colourful bottles on the nightstand. Next to the inevitable datapad.

“So,” Hux said, before Ren could ask about them. “We should probably get undressed, right?”

Ren had dreamed about that more than once. Removing the coat from the general’s shoulders and letting it glide to the ground, opening the hidden fastenings of Hux’s uniform while he was already panting and hard in his pants, cupping him because he couldn’t wait to feel him…

He took a step towards Hux: “Yes.”

“I’ll be back in a minute then.” The door of the fresher closed behind Hux, leaving Ren a little forlorn. The thought of seeing Hux naked before him in a few moments brought him back to action however and he hurriedly stripped down to his underpants and crawled onto the bed. He was a little worried about rumpling the perfect sheets but of course they would be completely destroyed soon if things went as planned.

Hux emerged in a black bathrobe and the sight almost took Ren’s breath away. The robe was closed so there wasn’t much to see right now, but the view of his slender ankles and calves was a sight to behold. Ren wanted to touch them, shower them with kisses. He moved towards Hux and looked up at him.

Hux seemed frozen to the spot, a look of worry on his face. 

Ren was alarmed. “What is it?” 

“I – I just hope you’re not disappointed.” Hux gestured towards Ren. “I wasn’t aware you were so … so well-built. I’m not.”

Ren was touched. “I won’t be. Believe me.”

Hux still seemed reluctant to take the robe off. “By the way how are we going to do this? You want to be on top I presume?”

Ren closed his eyes for a minute. Hux might not have intended it but that question alone was so arousing. A jolt of lightning seemed to run through his body, manifesting in his already hard cock. “Yeah”, he almost moaned.

“Do you have any experience?”

“Not a lot. But I won’t hurt you, I promise. Will you come to bed now?” He almost sounded as if he was begging.

Hux gestured at the bottles on the nightstand. “It’s lube. You know what it’s used for?”

“Of course.” Ren inspected the bottles. There seemed to be different scents and flavours. Some labels he couldn’t even read, some didn’t have any.

“I did some research.” Hux sounded proud. “Those got the best reviews on the ether net.”

“I’m impressed.”

For the first time during their encounter Hux seemed to enjoy himself a little. He sat down on the bed and picked up one of the bottles. “This is from the outer rim. Really hard to come by in just two days.”

“Very well done.” Ren leaned forward and kissed the nape of Hux’s neck, not able to hold back any longer. Hux almost dropped the bottle.

“Sorry”, Ren said.

“It’s alright. You know that you’ll have to prepare me? Or do you want me to do it? I wasn’t sure.”

“I’ll do it”, Ren almost shouted. “Come on, just lie back and relax.” He gently pushed Hux down onto the mattress, Hux looking up at as if he wanted to ask something. But he didn’t.

Ren opened his bathrobe and almost moaned when Hux’s body was finally exposed. His skin was even paler than Ren imagined it, nipples small and pink and he had the most beautiful little belly. A trail of red hair started beneath his navel. Otherwise he was completely hairless. A few pale freckles were scattered on his shoulders and the curve of his neck was perfect. Everything about him was perfect. 

“I would prefer it if you didn’t look at me like that. Can we just start?” Hux sounded annoyed. “We’re really losing time.”

“Of course.” Ren took one of the bottles. “This one got the best reviews you said?”

Hux nodded.

Ren almost wished he had followed Hux’s example and done some research. He had thought he knew everything he had to know. After all he had been dreaming about this scenario for so long, asleep and awake. But now he was afraid he would do it wrong, that he would hurt Hux, that Hux would hate it.  
He was incredibly gentle when he let one thoroughly lubed finger enter Hux. He couldn’t even believe he was really doing this and had to close his eyes, because he had to hold back his emotions. His heart was beating frantically and his dick was throbbing and it was so, so important right now that he concentrated on Hux. He did his best to stretch him and prepare him because he knew he was quite big and he wanted this to be as enjoyable for Hux as possible. 

He couldn’t really tell if Hux liked what Ren was doing. He was extremely quiet and still breathing calmly in contrast to Ren, but at least he wasn’t overly tense as Ren had feared. And he was getting hard, so that was something. 

“I think I’m ready”, Hux said after a much shorter time than Ren would have taken.

“Are you sure?”

Hux nodded and Ren sat up, to get out of his underpants. He moved between Hux’s legs and put his hands on his thighs, gently stroking him. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, eyeing Hux seriously. “Treaty or not, it’s still your decision. We can stop here. You can still be Grand Marshall and keep your Tarine tea.”

“No”, Hux looked surprised. “I want to do it.” He looked more as if he wanted to rise to another challenge than anything close to horny or even passionate. But Ren would take it.

“You’re really big, though.” Hux swallowed. “Can you maybe go slow?”

“I will.”

Going slow however was a lot more difficult than Ren had expected, because moving into Hux felt so utterly and overwhelmingly good. He was tight of course, despite Ren’s efforts and he was somehow forced to take it slow but there were definitely moments he was so overcome with desire he almost didn’t care and wanted to push forward aggressively. He always managed to regain his control though, even though his muscles were straining and he was sweating from the struggle. Not coming right away was also much harder than he had thought. In his dreams he had always been a great lover, making Hux come at least three times before he himself let go. Now he knew immediately that wouldn’t happen. Hux was still getting used to having Ren inside of him and Ren could see that it was sometimes a little painful for him. Also Hux seemed to waste so much of his energy to keeping in control, not showing when it hurt or when he liked something that Ren began to doubt he would be able to reach his orgasm like this. 

Still this was the most wonderful thing that had happened to Ren in his whole life. After a while he wasn’t even able to really think clearly anymore because it felt so incredible and his whole body was already shaking, craving release. He gave in eventually and pushed forward a little more. Just the thought that he was finally doing it with Hux brought him over the edge and he came hard, moaning and biting his lips.

He sank down onto the mattress next to Hux, totally blissed out and wanted nothing more than for Hux to snuggle against him. 

That didn’t happen unfortunately, and he needed a few deep breaths before he could think straight. He rolled over so he could look at Hux. The general was lying very still but seemed rather content with himself. 

“How do you want to come?” Ren asked, still a little breathless. “I’m sorry it was over so soon but I can…”

“Oh no”, Hux cut him off. “That won’t be necessary.”

Ren propped himself up on one elbow and reached over to touch Hux’s arm with his hand. “But I really want to. I’m sorry you didn’t get there.”

“It’s alright, I never do.”

Ren frowned. “What do you mean?”

Hux shrugged. “Just that I never have orgasms. I think maybe my body isn’t able to.” He seemed almost apologetic, as if this was some kind of shortcoming on his side.

“Oh Hux, that’s …” He didn’t really know what to say. “I’m sorry for that.”

“You don’t have to be”, Hux sounded distant. “I never felt as if I’m missing out on anything.” He closed his robe and reached for the datapad on the night stand. “I hope you don’t mind, Ren but we took much longer than I’d planned. I have to sign some reports.”

“It’s your resting cycle.”

“I would never get my work done if I really did nothing in them.”

Ren reluctantly sat up. “Then could we at least schedule our next … encounter.”

“Oh sure. I mean if you really want to do it again.” He hesitated. “With me.”

“I’d love to.” Ren leaned forward and kissed his shoulder. Hux almost dropped the datapad.

“Same time, same place?”

Ren nodded. “Excellent.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ren’s orgasm surged through him like a burning wave, had him cling to Hux as if he was drowning and call out his name. Completely undone he sank down next to him, panting and unable to let go of him. He hadn’t known that he could come like this. It was completely overwhelming.

They lay in silence for a few moments. A few very short moments.

“Well”, Hux finally said. “It’s good that didn’t take long. I really have to get in contact with Peavey. There were reports of an uprising in Corellia and…”

Ren cringed, unwilling to come down from his height already. “Please Hux. Could you stay silent for a few minutes afterwards?” His voice sounded a little strained. “Can I … enjoy the moment for a little while?”

Hux quickly checked his datapad. “You actually have five minutes left”, he said. “I apologize.”

He was quiet after that, but Ren could feel that he wasn’t relaxing. He kept gazing in the direction of the datapad, hands playing with the fabric of his bathrobe. Ren wished that for once their love making could do the same to Hux as it did for him. That he would be able to feel the same inner peace and fulfilment Ren experienced.

“It’s okay”, Ren said, softly stroking Hux’s arm one last time. “You can get up if you want to.”

“Thank you!” Hux closed his bathrobe, grabbed the datapad and walked over to the door of the fresher. He looked back to the bed before opening it and Ren hungrily took in his slender beauty, the way strands of his copper hair fell into his eyes. He wanted him again. Badly.

“You can stay for a while if you want to”, Hux said.

“Thanks.” Ren sighed inwardly. He appreciated the offer, but the bed wasn’t the same without Hux. He missed him already and knew that the week would feel agonizingly long. It hurt not to be able to touch him, be close to him after their weekly twenty minutes were over. It always felt much too short for all the longing that built up inside of him during the week. He wanted to hold him, ravish him, give him everything. But up to now he hadn’t even managed to get a real reaction. Nothing in Hux’s demeanour had changed. He wasn’t even sure if Hux enjoyed or at least liked sleeping with him.

Then again Ren had to admit that maybe it was partly his own fault, because as much as he longed to give pleasure to Hux, he was always so overwhelmed by his own desire, he couldn’t even think straight when he was with him. He certainly wasn’t the lover he wanted to be.

This had been their third encounter and Ren had learned that Hux approached sex very much as he approached Stormtrooper meetings or battle plans. Well prepared, in total control and with a thought-out strategy. 

“What do you want to do?” He always asked at the beginning of their scheduled meetings, expecting an immediate answer. Romance or the concept of just letting go were completely lost on him. Still, Ren longed for their times together as a man in eternal darkness longs for the light of the stars. 

He also knew by now that it was better to be very clear about what he wanted, because Hux didn’t like off-handedness. “I want to roll in the sheets with you and make love until we both pass out” for example hadn’t been met with a lot of enthusiasm.

“You know very well I don’t have time for that”, Hux had explained. “Could you be a little more precise?”

Ren contemplated falling asleep in Hux’s bed, but it would feel too frustrating to wake up without Hux next to him. Also, he always jerked off several times after their meetings to the memories, and it would feel plain wrong to do that here. So, he got up and got dressed before Hux reappeared. He’d be in a hurry anyway.  


*

Ren sighed while he sat down in the armchair in his room that was facing the observation panel. He loved watching the stars and getting a connection was always easiest here.

“I’m a little busy,” Rey said, when she finally appeared before his eyes. She was lying flat on her back under some kind of flying device. Kylo couldn’t make out what it was. He could never see her surroundings well. “I have to get this back in the air yesterday.”

“Can’t it wait?”

“Actually no. Your lovely troops took out another of our outposts two cycles ago. We need every last one of our fighters.” She glared at him.

“I’m sorry. I’m sure I didn’t order that attack.”

“I’m convinced it was your sex-droid then.”

“Don’t call him that, please.”

She shrugged. “As far as I understand there’s still not much else happening between you two, right?”

Ren was quiet for a moment. “Right”, he finally said. “Look Rey, I’m not going to bother you with my problems, okay? You obviously have your work cut out for you and…”

“No, Ren, wait!” She groped for a screw-driver. “I didn’t mean to cut you off, okay? You can talk to me. So, it’s still not going well with Hux?”

“I’m starting to think maybe it was wrong to ask for sex in exchange for other things, you know?”

Rey stopped working for a moment and looked up at him. “Because it seems like a bargain that way?”

“Yes. I’ll never know if he would have wanted to sleep with me of his own free will.”

“He probably wouldn’t have.” Rey resumed her work. “I can tell you that.”

Ren sighed. “You think he’s incapable of feelings, I know.”

“I don’t think that. But he’s suppressed them for so long he wouldn’t even know what they are. A few times having sex won’t change that.”

“I love sleeping with him anyway”, Ren admitted. “It means I can be close to him, hold him and keep him warm for a while. I just wish there was more between us. He still always gets up right afterwards.”

Rey pointed at him with the screw-driver. “You’re a hopeless romantic. You know that, right?”

“You make it sound like an accusation.” He bit his lip. “I just hope I haven’t ruined any chance of there ever being more between us with that stupid treaty.”

Rey dropped one of her screws and swore quietly. She got up on her elbow and looked for it. “Maybe you could try another way.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, the sex approach hasn’t really worked. Why don’t you try winning him over with things he does love and appreciate? It worked for Poe.”

Ren sighed. Not his favourite topic. “How are Finn and Poe by the way?” he asked dutifully.

Rey rolled her eyes. “Still annoyingly happy.”

“Can’t say I’m glad for them. I might copy Poe’s strategy, though. What did he do?”

“Oh, don’t start me.” Rey found her screw and carefully put it back in place. “The whole show. Taking him out for flights, showing him interesting places on planets far, far removed, massages, dinner for two.” She frowned. “I actually think he bought him flowers once.”

“Hux wouldn’t like that I think.”

“What about some severed heads of enemies instead?”

“Oh Rey, he’s not like that either. You don’t know him.”

“Yeah, I’m sure he’s an actual ball of fluff.”

“Come on, don’t get sarcastic on me. What about your love live by the way?”

Rey smiled sweetly. “Still thinking about purchasing that sex droid.” She sat up. “I’m done here, and I have to go. But one more thing, Ren.”

“Yes?”

She looked at him seriously. “I talked to Poe, to get some advice for you. Said I was asking for a friend and he thought it was for me, of course.”

“You really did that for me?”

“Yeah. So, I explained your situation and he said making him come could be really important.”

“Oh.”

“Yes.”

“I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you, Rey!”

She sighed. “Anytime.”

As always Ren felt better after talking to Rey and he decided that a new strategy was indeed what he needed. He checked his datapad to find out where Hux was now. 

A few moments later he walked into the strategical meeting on C-deck, most of the officers cowering before him. Hux of course remained perfectly upright and didn’t even avoid his eyes. He never had. In fact that had been one of the things that had impressed Ren from the start. Even when he was wearing his helmet had always faced him fearlessly, while most people didn’t even dare to look at it. Right now, there was only a slight question in Hux’s eyes, while he seemed rather pleased to see Ren.

Ren took the seat at the head of the table that was always reserved for the Supreme Leader and motioned for the others to continue. The meeting, as he soon found out, was about the uprising on Corellia. There was a disagreement between Hux and two of the captains about whether to crush it right away to set an example or to try a new strategy and let it continue and eventually fail. This was supposed to show people how strong the First Order had become and how many people believed in it. Hux wanted to try the second way. 

The few times Ren had attended meetings so far, he had always opposed Hux. Not that he really cared about politics. He left that part to Hux. But he was of the opinion it might be good to always have opposition in a political decision. He’d learned that much from Leia.

Today however he had a different goal. “I completely agree with Hux”, he said, putting all discussion to an end. “Let the uprising run itself to the ground.”

Hux was surprised when he looked at him, Ren could tell. And he could see something else in his eyes. Appreciation maybe? He felt a tiny little flutter in his stomach and got up to leave the room. 

The next cycle he attended one of Hux’s stormtrooper meetings which he hadn’t been required to by the contract. He dutifully endured half a standard hour of Hux’s pep talk to the troops and afterwards held a short, improvised speech to thank the Grand Marshall for his commitment and congratulate him on his new title.

Afterwards Hux approached him when he was on his way to his chambers. He seemed almost shy, bashful. And there was a hint of a blush on his cheeks that made Ren’s knees go weak.

“Thank you, Ren”, he said. “I really appreciated that. Snoke never…”

“You deserve it”, Ren said. “I meant every word.”

“I’m really … I don’t know what to say.” Hux blushed even more. It was probably the first time Ren had seen him at a loss for words. He had known that Hux was rather fond of praise, but he hadn’t expected him to be so overwhelmed by it. He immediately felt sorry for taking everything Hux did for granted. He wasn’t much different from Snoke in that respect. And that would change from now on.

“You have so much on your shoulders, you deserve a little praise.”

“Well…” Hux seemed a little uncomfortable. “It’s also good for the morale of the troops that you appear at the meetings more often. I can sense it.”

“I’m glad to hear it.”

Hux almost smiled at him before walking away, leaving Ren shaken and a little hopeful. Maybe Rey was right, and this was the path he should follow. 

*

Ren was in an extremely good mood when he was on his way to Hux’s chambers for their fourth meeting. Of course, he was always high-spirited right before their encounters, but this time it was still different. He had a feeling that he knew what had to change, that he would be able to turn this around somehow. During the week he had attended three more meetings and was really proud of himself.

He felt light-headed when he walked through the door to Hux’s quarters and ready to burst from anticipation. Hux was focused on his datapad as always but he acknowledged Ren’s presence with a nod and a wave of his hand that motioned Ren to sit on the couch. Nothing had changed in that respect, but Ren’s enthusiasm didn’t falter and he told himself that Hux didn’t take as long as before to get up from his desk and come over to him. He still seemed preoccupied, though. This was obviously one of the problems. Hux never had time to get his head free before they started. He was always thinking about work and twenty minutes weren’t enough to distract a man as focused on his job and as controlled as Hux. Ren would have to think of a way to get around that.

“What do you want to do today?” Hux inevitably asked, walking over to the bar to pour the drops of Eros.

Ren stepped behind him. He waited until Hux had set the bottle down though before he placed a gentle kiss on his shoulders, because Hux always dropped stuff when he kissed or touched him unexpectedly.

“I’d like to try something new”, he whispered.

“Oh?” Hux was never enthusiastic about experiments. Ren had noticed right away and stuck mostly to the same stuff. But that had gotten him nowhere.

“Yes. Let me show you.” He gently turned Hux around to face him and then lifted one hand to cup his cheek. He never wore gloves when he visited Hux, because he always wanted to be able to get as much out of touching him as possible. His thumb gently caressed Hux’s cheekbone and then he leaned forward to place a soft kiss on his lips. Hux didn’t move away but he didn’t respond either. Ren kissed him again, letting the tip of his tongue very gently run over Hux’s bottom lip. No response.

Ren moved back a little, his hand still resting on Hux’s cheek. Hux closed his eyes and his red-gold lashes looked beautiful from up close. He seemed a little mesmerised but maybe Ren was just imagining things. Maybe he was just tired.

“We should start”, Hux said, blinking his eyes. He was always eager to start and Ren would love to take that as a good sign but he knew Hux just wanted them to finish on time.

“Let me kiss you one more time”, Ren said. “Or don’t you like it?”

“This isn’t about me”, Hux smiled. “But it was okay.”

Ren didn’t know how to tell Hux that this should be about him, so he just leaned forward to kiss him again. This time Hux opened his lips for him and carefully moved his tongue to meet Ren’s. It felt amazing, more intimate in a way than what they did before. Ren could melt right then and there, and he moaned softly into the kiss. He couldn’t resist and picked Hux up to carry him over to the bed, the Drops of Eros forgotten on the bar. Hux didn’t protest, but Ren could feel him tense up in his arms and after he had gently lain him down on the bed, Hux immediately sat up again. “I still have to get undressed.”

“Let me do that”, Ren said, moving closer to him. “I really want to.”

“You’re wasting time. I could do it much quicker.”

“It’s not always about being fast.”

Hux was quiet after that and let him have his way but Ren soon noticed that he really didn’t enjoy getting undressed by him. He was fidgeting under Ren’s fingers, avoiding looking at him and his hands were clenching and unclenching nervously. 

Ren had already found out that Hux didn’t like being looked at and apparently, he felt too exposed like this. Ren quickly undressed as well so as not to make Hux wait longer than necessary. He was afraid that he had more or less failed to set a mood but at least Hux didn’t protest when he kissed him again while preparing him. Ren was very tentative, took it very slow and was glad to feel Hux responding and relaxing more quickly than usual. Up to now kissing seemed to be what he enjoyed most about their encounters.

As usual when Ren finally entered the man he desired above all else, his good intentions vaporised slowly, because it simply felt too amazing. He marvelled at the feeling of being inside Hux, being as close as possible to him. At the same time, he started losing control again, unable to merely concentrate on making this as good as possible for Hux like he had planned. Maybe if he had had more experience, if this hadn’t felt quite so new and overwhelming it would have been easier. 

Still in the middle of it, when he was looking down at Hux, lost in his beautiful features, he could almost swear that for a moment something changed. Hux’s eyes grew wider and his breathing hitched while his hands grabbed the bedsheets. Then, as if he was reigning himself in, Hux’s expression changed back to his usual controlled mask. Ren wanted desperately to understand what he had done right this time. But once more he lost himself in the feeling of warmth and pleasure, involuntarily chasing his own orgasm. And then it ran through him like hot liquid and all he could do was throw his head back and moan uncontrollably. 

He completely blissed out when he sank down next to Hux and this time Hux turned around to face him. That had never happened before, and Ren got his hopes up immediately.

“I sometimes wonder now what that must feel like”, Hux said. “You seem to enjoy it so much.”

“I do”, Ren whispered. “I really do.”

He wanted to tell Hux that he craved nothing more than to show him how wonderful sex could feel. That he would do anything to take him as high as possible, make him moan in pleasure, if only Hux told him what he liked, what he wanted. 

“I could try to…”

“No.” Hux frowned at him. “I already told you it’s not possible for me.”

“You’ll never know, if you don’t give it a try.”

“Who told you I didn’t try?” Hux’s voice was suddenly sharp and Ren could feel him bristling. 

“So you did?” Ren was surprised by this. He had thought it simply didn’t matter to Hux. 

Hux sat up, resolutely pulling the blanket around his hips. “We may have a treaty that demands me to be in your bed once a week, but that doesn’t give you the right to ask these kind of questions.”

He got up and the door of the fresher closed behind him, before Ren had the chance to apologize. He sank back on the mattress. This really hadn’t gone as planned. Frustration was clawing at the edges of his mind, urging him to lash out, to destroy things. He knew however how much Hux hated that and he had refrained from tantrums since their first encounter. 

And even if things didn’t look good right now, there were a few memories from today he was still glad about. The way Hux had reacted to kissing, the fact that he was at least curious about having an orgasm. No, Ren wasn’t going to give up now. 

He needed to adjust his strategy a little.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really appreciate any comments and kudos you leave me! And please let me know if you'd like a chapter from Hux's point of view for this story!  
> Thanky you @senema for the beta!


	3. Chapter 3

“No, there’s absolutely no way around sending your troops to Cantonica, Captain Seyton. We have to deal with an uprising there. I know I promised them rest, but it can’t be changed.” Ren watched Hux press a button on the console in front of him and the holo image of Seyton disappeared. He stood completely motionless for a moment. Then he leaned onto the console, letting his head hang low and looking more defeated than Ren had seen him in a long time.  
Of course, Hux didn’t know that he was in the room with him. He hadn’t heard him enter, otherwise he would never have allowed himself to show any sign of weakness. Ren had noticed that Hux was struggling in the week that had gone by. He’d always known there was a lot on his shoulders, but now that he attended more meetings and generally tried to be around Hux as much as possible it became even more obvious.

This was a problem, Ren decided, because while Hux was working more than humanly possible, it was quite clear he had no time to relax or get his head clear for anything else but the tasks he had to fulfil. So, something would have to change.

Ren left the room as quietly as he had entered, knowing that Hux would not take it well if he knew Ren had seen him like this.

Their next scheduled meeting was the next cycle and this time Hux hardly looked up when Ren entered the room. He looked paler than usual, almost translucent and his eyes were bloodshot. He closed them for a moment and blinked when he opened them again as if he had trouble reading his datapad. His lips were pressed tight, and his shoulders set. He looked strained, despite his immaculate appearance. 

“I’ll be with you in a minute”, Hux said, without looking up. “Make yourself at home. I just have to…” he trailed off.

Ren approached Hux slowly. “Don’t worry. There’s no need to hurry.” He swiftly rounded the desk, so he was standing behind the Grand Marshall.

Thinking that Ren wanted to see what he was doing, Hux pointed to a line of the long text on his datapad. “They think they may have found a possible outpost of the resistance on … ahhh.” He didn’t drop the datapad when Ren put his hands on his shoulders, but it was a close call. “What are you doing, Ren?” he asked uncomfortably, sounding as if he was afraid he was going to be choked.

“You seem a little tense”, Ren said with a hint of a smile. “I thought you could use a massage.”

“A massage?” Hux sounded as if Ren had suggested cooking him on a bed of Yyla. “What gives you that idea?”

“The fact that you’re obviously so taut you’re in pain”, Ren said. “Maybe your workload is getting too much for you.”

Hux frowned. “Are you suggesting I’m not capable of doing my job well?”

“Quite the opposite, Hux. But you’re not a droid. You have to take care of yourself.” He rubbed his shoulders gently, trying to get some warmth into them, make Hux relax a little. It felt as if he was massaging a statue.

“You telling me that is a little ironic, don’t you think?” Hux’s shoulders tensed even more.

“Why?”

“Because you’re the one who’s going to replace me as soon as I don’t meet your expectations.”

Ren was so surprised by that his hands stilled for a moment. “I just made you Grand Marshall. I’m not about to fire you. I can’t think of anyone who could do your job half as good as you do.”

Finally, Hux’s muscles relaxed a fraction. “Do you really think so?”

“Absolutely. You constantly exceed my expectations.”

Hux closed his eyes. “I didn’t know that.”

“So, calm down and delegate some of your tasks. I could oversee the Stormtrooper training from now on for example.”

“That would be a great help indeed.” Hux closed his eyes and Ren thought that was a good sign. He wasn’t making much progress on his shoulders, though. His uniform was in the way and the sitting position wasn’t ideal.

“Get undressed, I’ll give you a real massage”, he said.

“We don’t have time for that.”

“Yes, we do. I don’t want anything else today.”

“Are you sure?” Hux looked up at him uncertainly. “The treaty clearly demands sex once a week.”

“It’s my decision, isn’t it? Don’t worry, our bargain will still be intact.”

“Okay.” Hux still seemed unsure when he followed Ren into his bedroom. He was also obviously tired, and Ren could sense he was glad they weren’t going to have sex today.

As usual Hux disappeared into the fresher to undress. This time Ren kept on his underpants and shirt and started to remove the hard cushions from the bed to create an even space for Hux to lie down on. Hux re-emerged soon with a white towel around his hips, standing in the middle of the room as if he had no idea what to do with himself. He looked vulnerable like that and it pulled at Ren’s heart.

“Lay down”, he said softly and Hux did, apparently glad to be able to hide his face in the sheets. His arms were pressed close to his body and Ren could see how taut he was. Even his eyes were squeezed shut.

“Put your arms up”, he said. “Like this.” He carefully guided him. “That way you will be able to relax a lot better. And try to breathe deep and slow.” He turned to the night stand and took one of the bottles of lube. The one with the nicest flavour. “Computer. Lights to 15 percent.”

He warmed the lube between his hands, looking down at Hux’s slender form, relishing his milk-white skin, the contrast of his copper hair against the pillows. He could see that Hux was still breathing quick and shallow, his shoulders strained as if he was waiting to be slaughtered.

“I’m going to start now”, he warned Hux, but still he flinched when Ren gently put both hands on his upper back. For a moment he just left them there, giving Hux the chance to adjust to the touch. Very carefully he sent his force out only to create a sense of warmth on Hux’s skin. He knew how much the Grand Marshall mistrusted the force and loathed being read by Ren. But this he probably wouldn’t notice. Hux writhed underneath him for a moment but then he began to relax when the warmth began to soak in. There was a whisper of a sigh from his lips and Ren revelled in it. He slowly began to move his hands, spreading the lube over Hux’s back, preparing him for the massage. He was careful not to go too low, always stopping at the edge of the towel, even though he would have loved to move it out of the way and take in Hux’s perfectly curved ass.

And then he gently started kneading Hux’s shoulders. He knew he would have to go slow, because tense as Hux was it was going to hurt otherwise. His fingers carefully prodded at the tight muscles and he felt a sense of triumph when the first muscle started to relax under his hands. Hux suppressed a moan. “I didn’t know you could do that.”

Ren was glad he could. At the academy this had been one of the things he had learned during his training. Before meditating they had often given massages to each other to release tension. He’d always liked that part. It made him feel centred and more focused. Nowadays he often got massages from specially programmed droids, but it wasn’t the same.

“Does it feel good?” he dared to ask.

Hux hesitated for a moment. “Yes”, he finally admitted, and it was almost a sigh. “I didn’t realize it was that bad.”

“You feel like marble. You know you can get massages at medbay, right?”

“I don’t trust those droids”, Hux said. “Who really knows what they are programmed for?”

Ren’s heart jumped, because that had to mean Hux did trust him, right? “Then it’s good we’re doing this now.” His voice was warm with affection.

“Yes.” Hux bit his lips. “We could still … if you want to…” Hux’s hands grabbed the sheets when Ren’s hand started to massage an especially tender spot next to his spine.

“No. This is more important right now.” Hux didn’t protest anymore after that. He kept his eyes closed and by the time Ren’s hands had reached his lower back, his breathing had calmed down and his hands were open and relaxed on the sheets. Ren had never seen his features this calm, this unguarded. He looked so much younger like this, so vulnerable. Ren swore that he would never let anything happen to him. He would take care of him. Maybe he had been egoistical and thoughtless up to now but that would change. For him he would change.

Almost thirty minutes had passed, and he was done with the massage, only gently stroking Hux’s back, because he didn’t want to be the one to end this.

“Is our time up?” Hux asked sleepily.

“Almost”, Ren lied.

“Just two more minutes.”

“As long as you want.”

Hux apparently didn’t hear him anymore. His eyes were closed, his breathing calm and even and the force told Ren that he was asleep.

Hux had fallen asleep next to him, with Ren’s hand on his skin. He couldn’t even really grasp right now what that meant. Very carefully he lowered himself onto the bed next to Hux. He had a raging hard-on and felt quite annoyed by that right now. He didn’t want this to be about sex. He wanted it to mean more. Still, he couldn’t control the reactions of his own body of course. Hux did this to him and he couldn’t change it. It would have to wait, though. Right now, he wanted to bask in this moment, to take in everything about the beautiful man next to him. He was never allowed to look at him long enough. This was like a present he wanted to enjoy. He moved closer and very gently let his fingers glide over Hux’s arm, feeling very soft hairs stand up under his touch. He even allowed himself to press a gentle kiss on his pale shoulder and was glad that for once Hux didn’t flinch.

Even though Hux had been exhausted before the massage, his sleep didn’t last long. Much too soon - from Ren’s point of view - he opened his eyes and sat up. The only benefit of that was, that the towel glided down, exposing the pretty curve of his ass. Ren wouldn’t have minded fulfilling their bargain right now, not at all. But Hux’s expression told him that wasn’t in the cards anymore.

“How long did I sleep?” he asked, a hint of panic in his voice.

“A few minutes.” Ren sighed. “You should really start using your resting-cycles to relax.”

Hux looked at him, confusion in his eyes. “Why are you doing this, Ren? Giving me massages, wanting me to rest. You almost seem as if you’re worried about me.”

It occurred to Ren at that moment, that Hux still didn’t have a clue about what was going on. For a moment he contemplated just telling him that he liked him and wanted to be around him as often as possible. That he wished to protect him and be the one he confided in. But the whole concept of having a relationship with someone seemed to be alien to Hux. He couldn’t even lie next to Ren for a few moments without thinking about work, couldn’t see sleeping with him as anything else than part of a bargain. Ren maybe wasn’t the most experienced when it came to relationships, but even he knew that just dumping his wishes on Hux was not going to help. He needed to be more subtle.

“Well, I am”, he said. “You’re my Grand Marshall. I should be worried about your well-being.”

“I’m touched, Ren.” Hux scrambled to get the towel back up around his hips and dropped it completely in the process. Ren wasn’t sorry at all. “Still, this seems weird. I get sleeping with me to let off steam. It makes sense to pick someone you can trust not to use this against you. But everything else…” He got up from the bed, draping his towel around himself a little exasperated. “We have to keep this professional, you know?”

Ren felt a little twist inside his stomach. This wasn’t going well. “But you liked my massage. And you needed it.”

“Maybe. But we can’t lose focus. You’re the Supreme Leader of the First Order. I’m the Grand Marshall. We owe it to this ship and to the system to be devoted to them.”

“Of course. But is it so bad if I want to get to know you better?” He looked up at Hux, almost pleadingly.

“Why would you? There’s absolutely nothing interesting about me. I live only for my work.”

Ren felt suddenly afraid, cold fingers grasping for his heart. What if Hux was trying to tell him he didn’t want this anmore? “But we can go on with our arrangement?” He knew he sounded desperate.

Hux nodded. “As long as you want to. I’m sure you’ll be bored sooner or later.” He walked over to the fresher without waiting for an answer. Ren didn’t get the chance to tell him he never would be.

*

“Where are you?”

“I’m obviously not going to tell you that.”

“Oh, come on Rey, you know I’m not going to hurt you.”

“Our record says otherwise. I remember that time on the Starkiller Base well.”

“Do you really have to bring that up again and again? Even there I took care not to kill you. You on the other hand…”

“Alright, let’s not talk about it.” Rey sighed and moved a branch out of her way. She was hiking through a forest. It looked rather hostile, Ren noticed, not without worry.

“I still want you to join me, Rey”, he said softly.

“And I want you to join us, so we’re even.” She smiled at Ren. “How are things going with the general?”

“Grand Marshall. I’m not really sure.”

“Is your bargain still intact?” The ground Rey was walking on apparently made it difficult to move forward. She was struggling, holding on to tree branches to stabilize herself.

Ren gave her an elaborate update of their last encounter, not leaving out what Hux had said at the end.

“Well”, Rey looked around herself, as if she was trying to decide which way to go. “Sounds like you really have to show him you’re interested in him as a person. Poe told me that part was difficult with Finn, too.”

“You talk to him a lot about that topic.”

“It’s not hard. He never shuts up about Finn. Every time we’re on a mission together I either have to listen to a story about their latest date or to the story of how he won Finn over.”

Ren frowned. “That sounds straining. Why would you want to listen to stories about other people’s love life?”

Rey sighed. “Why indeed?”

“Well, back to Hux”, Ren said. “What did you say about showing him I’m interested?”

“Poe said that Finn had been part of the stormtroopers for so long he had to relearn that he was his own person, with things he liked and enjoyed and things he didn’t.” There was a screeching sound coming from the forest and Rey glanced over her shoulder, a look of worry on her face. She composed herself quickly however and turned back to Ren. “It was a real process for him to find his individuality and understand what he wanted and needed in life. The same could be true for Hux, right?”

“Yes” Ren said. “Indeed. Are you in danger, Rey?”

“Not imminently. I think. So, before he sees himself as a person he won’t be able to build any kind of relationship. And he probably hasn’t done that for decades.” She pressed against one of the tall trees, carefully glancing behind.

“I know what it feels like to try to cut everything out that defines you as a human being”, Ren said quietly.

Rey looked at him, sadness in her eyes. “Yes, you do. And he has perfected that even more than you have. He must feel there’s nothing left of him to love.”  
Ren swallowed hard. “But there is. I wouldn’t feel this way otherwise.”

Rey’s gaze was open and sincere. “I really hope so. And if there is: protect it. It’s not going to survive otherwise.” Her image started to swim and then she was gone.

*

Ren thought a lot about Rey’s words in the following cycles and they worried him to no end. Long before he had killed Snoke, he had sometimes reached out with the force to read Hux. He’d never gone deep though, and when he really started falling for him he had stopped out of respect. Back then he had seen that there were hopes and desires inside of him as well as dark fears and desperate needs fighting for dominance. So much had been hidden behind a shell of perfect control. Ren had felt inevitably drawn to Hux, because he had admired and envied his restraint. He had also sensed that Hux was pushing everything that wasn’t needed to fulfil his duties or reach his goals further and further to the back.

What if he had indeed succeeded in this endeavour and there was too little left for him to feel anything now?

But Ren wasn’t about to give up. If all of that had been pushed too far down, he would have to work to bring it to the surface again. He knew there were still things Hux enjoyed, things he held on to. His only hope was to speak to those things and hope that by doing that he would be able to get under his skin.

*

“Grand Marshall?” he approached Hux on the bridge, knowing that he liked it if Ren called him by his new title in front of his subordinates. “Good work. Your strategy for the uprising on Corellia seems to be a success.”

He could see Hux shiver and the hint of a smile was tugging at his lips. “Thank you, Supreme Leader.”

Ren noticed that he glanced over at Peavey, who gave him a blank stare in return. 

“I appreciate your insight and prescience. And I’m looking forward to our private meeting in two cycles.”

Hux lowered his gaze unfortunately so that Ren couldn’t see if he was blushing. He hoped he was. He could hardly wait to have Hux for himself once more, be close to him, really talk to him.

“Me too.”

Ren loved hearing those two words. He nodded to Hux and took the seat that was reserved for him on the bridge. From here he was able to keep watching Hux who now moved to stand behind Officer Mitaka, taking in the readings on his screen.

“I would like to have a cup of tea with you at our next meeting”, he texted him via comm. “Nothing more.”

Hux looked at his beeping comm device and answered immediately. “Why?”

“I’m just curious about that brand you like so much.”

“I could send you a sample of Tarine tea today. You can just tell me if sleeping with me didn’t meet your expectations.” Hux turned around so he faced Ren. His expression was indifferent, maybe a little more pinched than usual. “I understand”, he wrote.

“Sleeping with you exceeds all of my expectations”, Ren wrote back. “I never came so hard in my life.”

Hux’s comm unit shattered on the floor and Ren had to suppress a smile.


	4. Chapter 4

“Hux!” Ren stepped back from the sliding door that led to his apartment. “Come in, please. What a surprise to see you here!”

For a fleeting moment he hoped that Hux had missed him as much as he had, that he’d finally felt the desire to be with him outside of their scheduled meetings. Not to have sex maybe, but for the company or for another massage. It would have made him so incredibly happy.

“This won’t take long”, Hux said, crushing Ren’s hopes. “I just have a few questions concerning our next meeting.” He sounded so business-like, so distant. Had absolutely nothing changed between them? Ren felt his guts churn with regret and worry.

“Alright.” Ren gestured to his comfortable couch that was facing the external observation panel. He loved the view and often meditated in front of it. Maybe if he could get Hux to sit down for a moment he might drop his guard a little.

“No thank you.”

“Can I offer you a drink?”

“I’m actually in a hurry. I just wanted to know whether you also wanted to make conversation at our next meeting or if you just want to drink tea.”

Hux seemed suddenly nervous and Ren very much wanted to put him at ease.

“Well, I do want to talk to you”, he said softly. “I’m looking forward to that.”

Hux nodded and seemed to make a mental note. “About what?”

“Oh, Hux.” Ren wished he could put his arms around him or at least brush a hand over his hair, but he knew that would only confuse him more. “Whatever you want to talk about is fine.”

“Well, it’s your scheduled time so if there’s any topic I should prepare to talk about, anything I should catch up on…”

He looked lost for a moment and Ren really wanted to hug him. It also depressed him that whatever he tried to do to make Hux relax only seemed to put him more on edge. “You don’t need to do that. I would like to hear about you if there’s anything you feel like sharing.”

Hux scoffed. “I told you there is nothing remotely interesting about me.”

Ren wished he could tell him how much he disagreed, but he couldn’t find the right words before Hux was already at his door again, ready to leave. “I’ll see you in two cycles then”, he said. “Let me know if anything changes.”

Ren sat down on his couch alone. “See you Hux”, he said to the closing doors. He let himself sink down into the cushions, a little weary. He knew he had to be patient, but sometimes it felt as if every time he advanced a step, he took two steps back the next time he met Hux. He leaned his head back and brought his hands up to his face. Why was Hux so completely unable to let anything surprise him? Why couldn’t he let go just a little? Maybe that was what he really had to find out if he wanted this to lead anywhere.

*

“You didn’t have to do that, Ren”, Hux said, taking the flowers from him, without meeting his eyes. “It really wasn’t necessary.”

“Well I wanted to. I apologize for them not being pretty, but they were the best eco-bay had to offer. Beautiful flowers aren’t a priority.”

“That makes sense”, Hux said, opening cupboards in his kitchen-space until he found something resembling a vase. “Please sit down.” He indicated the sofa.  
Ren followed his request and watched Hux who took quite some time arranging the flowers in the vase before he placed them on the little table in front of Ren. He took that to indicate that Hux did like them and was relieved. He really hadn’t been sure if he should imitate that part of Poe’s wooing technique.

“The tea has to brew a little longer”, Hux said, while carrying a tablet with a teapot, two tea glasses and a little can of bantha milk over. Ren carefully moved the flowers out of the way. “I wasn’t even aware you liked tea.”

“Oh, I do”, Ren said, who had never been a big fan. He preferred caf.

“I begin to feel like I don’t know you at all”, Hux said, sitting down beside him. “It’s a little disorienting. You’ve changed so much since you … since Snoke is gone.”

“Yes”, Ren said, glad that for once Hux didn’t seem all business-like. This sounded more like the beginning of a real conversation. “I feel like I can be more myself without him constantly nagging at my consciousness, never being sure whether he’s influencing me or if I’m acting of my own free will.”

“Is that what it felt like for you?”

“That’s what it felt like since I first heard his voice. I knew he could help me become powerful, to be someone. But at the same time, I was losing myself more and more.”

Hux nodded, seeming a little absent-minded.

“Hux?”

“Yes?”

“Is it a relief for you too that he’s gone?”

Hux hesitated for a moment. “It’s starting to be.”

“What do you mean?”

“I wasn’t sure what his death would mean for me.” Hux took the cups from the tablet and set them out in front of Ren and himself. “What it would entail. At first I even thought you might have me executed.”

“Executed? Stars, Hux…”

“Well, you almost choked me…” He didn’t look up from the cups.

“I know. I was furious, desperate. I didn’t mean to…”

“I was used to worse from Snoke. I’m glad now that he’s dead. You’re treating me much better than he ever did. Even though I don’t understand why.”  
“Is it really so hard to believe that I genuinely like you?”

“Yes.” Hux gave him a sidewards glance but turned away immediately. “Tea should be ready now.”

For the next few moments Ren was mesmerized by Hux’ long slender fingers handling the teapot and pouring the golden liquid into the two cups. It was a shame that his hands were usually hidden by gloves. Ren was glad he got to see Hux’s hands more often now. Though, not nearly often enough.

“Well, I do. Like you, I mean.”

“That just shows how lonely you are.” There was the hint of a smile on Hux’s lips now, but it seemed almost sad. ”What is there to like about me?”

Ren didn’t have to think about that long. “You’re determined, idealistic and fiercely intelligent. You never let anything take away your dignity, no matter how vile you’re treated. There’s an unfaltering belief in your troops and their ability to succeed.”

“That doesn’t sound like me at all”, Hux said, his gaze downcast, so that Ren couldn’t see his face. He noticed however that Hux’s hands that were holding his cup were trembling slightly. “I didn’t think anyone saw that in me.”

Ren carefully put one hand on Hux’s thigh, moving slow as not to startle him. “I do. I really do. But what I admire most is that you’re incredibly strong, having survived a dreadful childhood and still following your goals and ideals. You didn’t let it break you.”

“Sometimes I think it did.” Hux’s voice sounded rough. “I haven’t felt whole in a long time.”

“I know what that is like”, Ren said. “We’re both fractured, I won’t deny that. But you’re not broken, Hux.”

Hux put his cup of tea down, hands still unsteady. He finally looked up at Ren and there was a depth of emotion in his eyes that Ren had never seen before. He couldn’t tell if it was fear or hope, but one way or another it was better than the cold indifference he had become used to. “Do you really think so?”

“Yes.” Following an impulse, he took Hux’s trembling hand in his and closed his fingers around it. Hux didn’t resist, just leaned back into the sofa, seemingly exhausted. Maybe this was too much for him. But he didn’t pull his hand away. Ren was fascinated by how fragile Hux’s much slimmer hand looked in his. He gently stroked his fingers with his thumb, the soft skin in between, brought Hux’s hand to his lips and placed a gentle kiss on it.

“Please, try the tea”, Hux said, closing his eyes.

Ren had to use his left hand to lift his cup, because nothing in the world would have made him let go of Hux’s hand in this moment.

“It’s delicious!” He was honestly taken aback. The warm liquid on his tongue had the perfect mixture of bitterness and sweetness and a tinge of something herbal that made it even more exquisite.

“Isn’t it?” Hux smiled softly, his eyes still closed, hand still in Ren’s. “I love it so much.”

Ren mirrored his smile, even though he could not see it. “Better than any drink I’ve had before.”

“You can have more whenever you want to. I’ll gladly share with you.”

“I want so much more.” Ren put his cup down, leaned forward and kissed Hux’s lips.

Once again Hux didn’t pull back. He also didn’t respond at first or even open his lips, but Ren was glad to kiss him tenderly, to softly lick his bottom lip, without demanding entrance. He was overjoyed to be allowed to do this while their hands were still intertwined.

Then, suddenly he felt Hux’s other hand, first on his shoulder, then very cautiously moving over to the nape of his neck as if Hux was afraid to get burned. Finally, he opened his lips for him and pulled him closer at the same time. Ren tasted the Tarine tea on Hux’s tongue and it was absolutely intoxicating. Their first kiss had been good, but this one sent sparks down his spine and he felt the force light up inside of him like a beacon. That had never happened before when he had been with someone and it overwhelmed him completely. Hux became more courageous and their kiss got deeper and more passionate. Ren felt his heart beat frantically in his chest. This was the first time Hux had ever shown initiative during their encounters, shown him that he wanted this too and it filled him with joy. Moaning softly, he put his free arm around Hux, drawing him closer. He desperately wanted to pull him into his lap or even better to carry him over to the bedroom, but he didn’t want to spoil this moment, wanted Hux to remain in control of the situation and give him only what he demanded.

Unfortunately, a moment later he felt Hux tense beneath him and then he stopped responding. Ren immediately backed off, eyeing him worriedly.

“What is it?”, he asked, almost able to see Hux’s defences rise again. “What’s wrong?”

“We should not be doing this”, Hux said, his tone almost back to normal. Almost. Ren could hear a slight tremor in his voice. “I already told you we have to keep it professional. Also, your tea is going to get cold.”

Ren sighed, but he moved out of Hux’s space and gently let go of his hand. Hux looked at his hand as if he wasn’t completely sure it belonged to him.

“As you wish”, Ren said, taking up his cup. Still his lips curved into a little smile. He had definitely made progress this time.

*

“Hux, I have a proposal to make”, Ren told his Grand Marshall two cycles before their next scheduled meeting.

“What is it, Ren?”, Hux asked, not looking up from the console he was occupying. They were alone in the room of course and Ren was standing very close.  
“I want to spend more time with you. So, for the next two cycles I want to be your right hand and help with your tasks. If you promise me a complete resting cycle without you working.”

Hux’s head shot up and he looked at Ren with an expression of total confusion. “Do you mean that?”

“Of course. I’ll do whatever you want me to. Read and sign reports, train the troops, have strategy meetings with the captains, oversee our financial reports…”  
“Why in space would you do that?”

“I just told you. I want to spend more time with you.”

“You want to have sex for a whole resting cycle? “Hux still seemed taken aback. “Ren, I really don’t know if I can…”

“It’s not about sex”, Ren said, becoming a little impatient. “We don’t have to have sex at all. I just want you to be able to relax for a while, to think about something else apart from work. I enjoyed our talk last time. Didn’t you? Just a little bit?”

Hux averted his gaze. “Yes, I did.”

“See? I just want to spend some time with you and I want to take on more duties anyway. I don’t want to be a leader like Snoke, always hiding in the throne room, without any idea of what’s really going on until one of my subordinates overthrows me.” He flinched. “Some rebel scum overthrows me, I mean.”  
“Of course.” Hux smiled. “Fine. If you really want to do that: I have a lot of tasks you can help me with.”

*

Ren felt as if he truly deserved this meeting with his Grand Marshall. He had spent two cycles reading and signing utterly boring reports, attending strategy meetings, brooding over battle plans with Hux, checking the security system for any glitches and generally giving a lot of orders. He had even written two reports, a task he absolutely loathed.

At least training the stormtroopers hadn’t been half bad and he had enjoyed the exercise. They were all afraid of him and that made things so much more interesting.

Now however all he wanted was Hux by his side and he honestly didn’t care what they did. Okay, that wasn’t completely true. He wanted to be as close to him as possible, so rolling in the sheets together seemed like an awfully good idea. The three standard weeks since their last time in bed together seemed ages ago.  
To be completely honest he desperately wanted to sleep with Hux again. Masturbating to fantasies and memories really got old after a while and he wanted the real thing.

He had even pondered just asking for the treaty to be fulfilled once more. He was sure that Hux, precise and reliable as he was wouldn’t have declined. But that was exactly the point. He didn’t want to sleep with Hux again just because of the treaty.

When he entered his rooms he was expecting to see Hux behind his desk as usual, typing away at his console or reading reports on the datapad. Ren was pleasantly surprised that for once Hux was sitting on the sofa, a cup of tea in his hands. He was sitting upright and seemed perfectly poised but still, this was progress. Also for once he was wearing something that looked more comfortable than his uniform, though it was still black of course.

“Would you like a cup?”, he asked.

Ren nodded, noticing that his flowers were still on the table. Apparently Hux had even watered them again and that made his heart flutter slightly.

Hux poured Ren a cup of tea from the pot on the table and leaned back into the cushions a little. “It feels good to be ahead of work for once”, he said. “Thank you again for helping me.”

He looked so good in this more relaxed manner that Ren couldn’t help thinking about completely ravishing him. He really had to restrain himself from leaning forward and kissing and biting along Hux’s perfect neckline. Why did his lips have to look so full, his eyelashes so perfect against his pale skin?

Heart beating fast and loud he moved closer. “Maybe I can help you relax a little more?” he said. “What about another massage?”

Hux worried his lower lip, apparently contemplating the offer. Finally, he sighed and gave in. “That sounds wonderful, Ren.”

Ren couldn’t believe his luck when Hux was once more sprawled on the bed in front of him, white towel securely round his hips. This time he automatically moved his arms in the right position.

Warming the oil between his hands, Ren took in his beautiful back, the way his spine curved under that flawless skin, the fine ginger hair at the nape of his neck. All he wanted to do was kiss every inch of Hux’s body. But he knew that would only make him shut down again now that he was starting to open up to him a little. He had to be gentle.

This time Hux moaned lightly after a few minutes of Ren massaging him. “I really don’t know what you get out of this, Ren”, he whispered. “I never took you to be self-sacrificing.”

“I get to take in your beauty.”

Hux flinched but Ren knew by now how much he loved compliments. It was in fact one of the best ways to get him to open up and he started to suspect Hux had a praise kink. He was planning to take full advantage of that, especially because he truly meant every word.

“No one has ever called me that.”

“You probably just didn’t listen. You’re perfect Hux. I could just look at you for hours.”

“Stop Ren, you’re making me blush.” He actually did, and Ren smiled happily.

“It’s an honour for me to be of service to the most diligent and capable person on this ship.”

“Ren, stop”, Hux squirmed under his hands but Ren was delighted to notice that his breath was quickening. The force also made him sense arousal in the other man and it made him feel light-headed. He leaned forward to place a kiss between Hux’s shoulder blades. “You’re so good at everything you do. Sleeping with you was so wonderful for me, Hux, so satisfying.”

Hux moaned. “We can do it again, if you want to.”

“Not now, but…” Ren contemplated whether this was the right time. Hux was so open right now and he didn’t want to wreck it. But this was important.  
“Yes?” He could feel Hux pushing himself against the mattress once, twice. That had to be a good sign.

“There’s something I’d like to try.” He lay down next to Hux, one hand still lightly massaging the muscles of his neck.

“Okay.” Hux’s voice sounded drowsy, his eyes were still closed.

“You said you sometimes wonder what it feels like. To have an orgasm, I mean.”

Hux tensed for a moment but relaxed again under Ren’s touch. “Yes. I said that.”

“Have you ever tried to find out why you can’t come?”

“There are no medical issues.” Ren could almost see Hux’s cheeks turn red. He knew how much it must have cost Hux to get that problem checked by a medical droid. He wasn’t so indifferent after all then. “It’s psychological apparently. Too much stress, too many bad memories.”

“Have you ever tried to get there with a partner?” Ren asked softly.

“No.” Hux blushed even more. “That would be too embarrassing.”

“There’s nothing remotely embarrassing about it.” He let his hand wander down Hux’s spine. “For most people it’s much better with a partner.” His fingers wandered along the rim of the towel. “With someone who really wants you to feel good.”

Hux shivered and goosebumps appeared on his arms. “Yes?”

“Oh yes. And I want you to feel good, Hux. That’s all I want. Just let me find out what you like. Maybe some day you’ll be able to come.”

“I still don’t understand.” Hux’s voice sounded hoarse. “What’s in this for you?”

Ren’s hand was under the towel now and Hux still didn’t protest. He was panting lightly. “I enjoy giving you pleasure.”

Hux finally gave in and Ren could almost feel his body letting go a little. “Do what you want then.”

“Just tell me if there’s anything you don’t like. If you want me to stop, just tell me.”

“Alright.”

Ren started by tugging at the towel to loosen it a little. Still lying on his side he let his fingers, still slick withthe massage oil, move between Hux’s buttocks. He’d already done this two times when he’d prepared Hux for sleeping with him but it had been different then, because there had hardly been any reaction from Hux. Now he was very lightly moving against him, sometimes pushing back down against the mattress and his breathing hitched from time to time. Ren could still sense how he fought to regain control, even now.

“You have to let yourself go a little. Just listen to your body. If something feels good, show me, if it doesn’t, let me know. And I like to hear you. You don’t have to hold back.”

Hux nodded and bit his lips the next moment to hold back a moan. This wasn’t going to be easy, but at least he was willing to try.

“Do you want to turn around?” Ren asked.

“Yes. I think I’m ready.”

“Oh, I wasn’t planning to enter you”, Ren said.

“Why?” Hux rolled onto his back, eyeing him a little surprised.

 

Ren sat up, carefully keeping his hands on Hux’s body, stroking his chest now. “I read that intercourse isn’t always the easiest way to reach climax. Especially if the partners aren’t that experienced.”

“Oh?” Hux sounded sceptical.

“I did some research on the ether net.” He removed the towel from Hux’s hips, ecstatic to see Hux was already hard. So, he was doing something right.  
“You did?” Hux raised his eyebrows.

“Yes. And I want to try something different.” He stroked the insides of Hux’s thighs, making him gasp a little.

“And what do you …. Ahhhhhh …. Ahhhh Ren!”

Hux’s hips jerked upwards when Ren’s lips closed around the head of his cock and Ren had a little trouble not choking. His research had been thorough and there had been so many suggestions for this, like covering your teeth, not moving too fast at first, licking around the head to increase pleasure… He had trouble remembering them all. Hux squirming beneath him and finally even moaning, made it that much harder to concentrate. And still he absolutely loved doing this. Why hadn’t he thought of it earlier? Finally, he decided just to wing it and go with the flow. And judging by Hux’s panting and the way one of his hands stroked Ren’s head, unconsciously pulling him closer, that was exactly the right decision.

After a while he let one hand move between Hux’s legs, gently fondling his balls and then lower to stroke his rim. He could tell that Hux loved it and that turned him on more than anything had ever done. He wanted to give pleasure to Hux, wanted it so badly. He had to change position after some time, because his neck started hurting a little. He wasn’t used to this kind of movement and he was glad that almost all his muscles were well trained. He would be able to do this for a very long time if necessary.

“Ren, stop.”

He looked up, a little taken aback, because he hadn’t noticed any change in Hux. He still seemed to enjoy it and his pulse was almost frantic now. Why was he telling him to stop now?

“What is it?” He gently kissed Hux’s abdomen.

“That can’t feel good for you. And I know I won’t come.”

Ren moved up to lay beside him, going back to stroking his thighs. “Not if you keep over-thinking. Why don’t you let go for once? Even if you don’t come it’s okay to enjoy something you like. This is not a competition, you know?”

He could hear Hux swallowing hard. “I’ll just feel more frustrated afterwards.”

“Oh”, Ren said. He understood. He always needed his relief. Especially if he was with Hux. He couldn’t even imagine how it must feel not being able to get it. “Do you feel frustrated now?”

Hux hesitated, biting his lip. Then finally he closed his eyes, grimacing. “Yes.”

“Then let me try once again. Maybe that wasn’t right for you. Maybe you need something different. More friction, more … I don’t know.”

“Okay. Try it.” Hux sounded more eager than Ren would have thought. Then again, he’d probably been closer than ever before.

Ren had one more idea he wanted to try. He slicked his hand with the massaging oil again and then closed it around Hux’s dick, moving as close to him as possible, guiding Hux’s head onto his free arm. He started stroking him, slowly at first, just like he always did when he started pleasuring himself.  
“I love doing this with you”, he whispered into Hux’s ear, then teased it lightly with his tongue. “You have no idea how much I enjoy this.”

Hux let out a shuddering breath.

“You’re so gorgeous”, he whispered. “Even looking at you drives me completely wild. I don’t know how I even get anything done on this ship anymore. All I ever want to do is kiss you, taste you, do it with you.”

“Shut uuuup”, Hux whispered in a way that told Ren to please go on. “I should have made you Grand Marshall ages ago. You’re the only one who ever gets anything done in the First Order.”

Hux moaned and Ren could feel how he tried not to fall apart, how his muscles strained while his dick twitched in Ren’s hand. He was leaking now, and Ren had to pull himself together so as not to come right then and there.

“And not only that, but you’re so good for me, Hux. I never wanted anyone as much as I want you, you drive me crazy and you’re amazing and…” It became more and more difficult to find the right words, because he was so turned on now it was hard to think. “I … I think I’ve completely fallen for you…”

And finally … finally! He could feel Hux let go. He pushed into Ren’s grip and threw his head back, moaning in pleasure. His whole body convulsed as if sparks of energy were running through it. It felt a little as if he was having a seizure and for a moment Ren was even worried. Then he arched up again and shot his load over Ren’s hand and his own torso. It went on and on and Ren gently stroked him through it, until Hux pushed his hand away and sank down onto the mattress.  
Ren felt fire running through his own veins and he needed relief so desperately it hurt, but he refrained from using his hand. This was about Hux and he wanted it to stay that way. He looked up at him and was shocked to see there were tears in the corners of his eyes.

“Oh stars”, Hux whispered. “I didn’t know…” Then he reached out and pulled Ren closer, to whisper into his ear. “I want you inside me right now.” And Ren thought that he was probably just going to die or explode or something like that. Instead he regained enough control over himself to gently move into Hux and it felt better than it ever had before, because Hux wanted it as much as he did, moved his hips up against him. And then pleasure unfurled inside of him and he gasped and held onto Hux and then everything exploded into pure bliss.

They lay next to each other at least twenty standard minutes afterwards without speaking. Hux’s hand was in his and he wasn’t planning on letting go.  
Hux wasn’t fidgeting anymore, wasn’t eyeing his datapad and his breathing was slow and even. For once in his life he seemed to be relaxed. Ren breathed out in relief.

“If I’d known that …” Hux finally whispered.

Ren turned to face him, reached out with one hand to gently cup his face. “You would have tried harder to get there?”

“I did try hard at a time”, Hux admitted, averting his gaze. “It never worked, and I decided to give up completely. I thought it was just one of those things I could never have.”

“I’m glad you gave it another try.”

“Thanks to you.”

“It was still you who dared to open up.” He moved in for a kiss. “We can do it again, you know.”

“I’ll probably always take extremely long.”

“I don’t mind that at all. Right now, I want you to rest, however. You have almost a whole resting cycle ahead of you.”

“This cycle belongs to you, Ren.”

“I know. And I want to spend it sleeping next to you.”

“Are you sure?”

Ren smiled. “Completely sure.” He pulled Hux towards him and felt a surge of bliss when Hux actually curled up against his chest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There will be one more chapter, probably from Hux's point of view. Please let me know if you liked the story so far!  
> My tumblr: [rattlesnake777](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rattlesnake777)  
> And thanks so much to my betareader senema!


	5. Chapter 5

“Hello Ren”, Hux said, looking up when Ren entered his rooms. “Is there anything I can help you with?”

He tried to tell his heart that there was absolutely no reason to beat quicker. Tried to silence that strange feeling in his stomach that was somehow connected with Ren. There was no reason at all to get excited. Their next scheduled meeting was four cycles away so there was no need to behave anyway else than professionally. 

Except Ren apparently hadn’t got the memo. He walked over to him and bowed down to kiss his neck. That spot of course that immediately caused a reaction in the lower regions of Hux’s body. It hadn’t always been that way. For a long time, touches of any kind had done nothing for him. If at all he had found them annoying. But since their last encounter that had changed. His body had come to like Kylo’s touch, to crave it even. 

It was deeply unnerving.

“Ren, what is it?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even. “As you can see I am working and I really need to concentrate.”

“Are you implying that I’m distracting you?” The low rumble of Ren’s voice made Hux’s cheeks turn warm and he only hoped it didn’t show.

He still had no idea where Ren thought this whole … thing between them was going to lead or what it was supposed to be. He had asked Ren a few times and Ren had insisted that he liked him. 

That was completely ridiculous of course. He was not someone you “liked”. Not even his own father had been fond of him and to be honest, Hux was almost glad about that. People feared him, some admired him or despised him, and more than he would have liked looked down on him. But no one had ever liked him. So, Ren had to be wrong or he was deliberately lying to Hux.

He had spent many sleepless resting cycles contemplating this situation with Ren. Sometimes it made his head hurt and he took a tranquilizer shot just to keep himself from thinking. 

Why was Kylo doing this to him?

At first it had seemed almost logical. Ren apparently had his needs and it made sense to experience intimacy with someone who was on a similar level and less likely to brag about it. On the other hand, being intimate with someone made Kylo Ren vulnerable. Hux had always thought that Ren still didn’t trust him, but when they slept together it seemed as if Ren let his guards down. At first Hux had thought that maybe Kylo wanted to test his loyalty by sleeping with him. To find a reason to finally get rid of him. 

Well, Hux was not going to give him one. Yes, he had at some point thought that killing Kylo Ren was his best option and crucial for the First Order. Right after Snoke’s death he had thought that he would have to find a way to get rid of the new Supreme Leader and take his place for the good of the Order. 

Somewhere along the way his estimation had changed, and he was now sure that the Order desperately needed Kylo Ren.

“Or maybe you desperately need him”, a voice inside his head whispered.

Hux swallowed hard. That wasn’t true of course. He didn’t need anyone and certainly not this annoying, brooding man-child who still wasn’t sure which side he belonged to. 

“But he’s so amazingly good to you.” The voice wouldn’t shut up. “He takes care of you.”

This wasn’t what this was about. Hux’s own needs and desires only played a role in his life when they led towards his goal of becoming more powerful. Having someone take care of him and be gentle to him certainly wasn’t important. 

“Come on, stop thinking”, Ren whispered and ran a hand through Hux’s hair. “I can almost hear your mind reeling. You deserve a break. Let me be good to you.”  
Immediately all of Hux’s alarm bells came to live with a deafening shrill. He didn’t deserve this. He couldn’t rest. There were fractions who wanted to harm the First Order, people even aboard this ship who thought him incompetent and wanted to get rid of him. He had to prove them wrong, had to work harder than any of them to defy them. There was no time for this.

But it always felt so good. 

He bit his lip. It felt so amazingly good to let go and just be with Kylo for a while, lose himself in his touch and the wonderful things he always told him.   
“Kylo…” he whispered, rolling his head to one side. “I really can’t.”

Ren leaned down, put his arms around Hux’s shoulders and his mouth very close to his ear, so that he could feel his breath when he spoke. The bastard knew exactly what that did to him. “I could make you come”, he whispered. “I really want to. I don’t care how long it takes, I’m going to take you there.”  
Ohhhh stars… he could feel his pulse accelerating and his skin beginning to tingle. That now familiar ache in his lower abdomen became unbearable. 

Kylo kissed the nape of his neck and he felt himself hardening inside his pants. His breath hitched. This wasn’t fair. Why was his body working against him in this one area? He liked to think that he was in perfect control. He could go for days without sleeping or eating. He was able to stand upright for ten hours. He’d even trained his bladder not to bother him unless absolutely necessary. But since his first orgasm, Kylo was able to break his composure in seconds.   
“Not now”, he said through clenched teeth.

“You always deny yourself everything”, Ren said, still not moving away. He had the audacity to reach down and grab Hux’s dick through the fabric of his pants. He moaned when he felt that Hux was already hard. “See? You need this.” He started to massage him lightly.

Hux involuntarily spread his legs a little and leaned back in his chair. “Promise to bring me off?” He wasn’t even sure where these words came from. He certainly hadn’t planned to say that.

Ren groaned. “Of course, I will. I’d love nothing more.” He sounded so eager that Hux couldn’t resist any longer. 

“Alright then.” He swallowed hard.

Ren grabbed his hand to pull him into the bedroom and the next thing he knew he was pressed against the wall, Kylo’s leg feeling amazingly good between his thighs while Kylo was busy kissing and undressing him at the same time. Hux suspected him of using the force to help, because not even he himself was that quick undoing the fastenings of his uniform. Ren himself was still almost completely dressed, when he ushered him to the bed.

“What about you?” he asked breathlessly, while he was being pressed down into the sheets.

Kylo smirked. “Do you want to see me naked?”

“Yeah. I mean…” Hux closed his eyes for a moment. He felt dizzy. “Yes, I do.”

“You have no idea how much I love to hear that.” Kylo sat up and managed to undress himself even quicker than he had Hux. He was breathing hard when he was kneeling between Hux’s legs in only his underpants and his body as always was a sight to behold. Hux had honestly never thought about what he found attractive in other people, but now he knew it was this. Everything about Kylo was big and impressive. His broad chest, the defined muscles of his stomach, so hard from hours of fight training every day. His hands that could completely enfold Hux’s fist. And in contrast to that were his warm brown eyes, shining with emotion right now. It was this look that really got to Hux, that he saw at night when he tried to forget everything about their arrangement. He could not run away from that gaze or that beautifully crooked smile he had never seen before this had started. 

It wasn’t possible that a man like Kylo Ren wanted him. That was what this came down to, what he had to remember. He was lonely, overcome by hormones maybe that had somehow been suppressed by Snoke. There was no way this was going to last. 

But when Kylo leaned down to kiss his forehead, the tip of his nose and then his lips in that infuriating way he had – almost innocent – Hux wanted to forget that for now. His body wanted this so much, craved the release and utter satisfaction that Kylo was able to give him. The dull ache in his lower abdomen was becoming more and more pressing and it was a relief when Kylo lowered his body onto his and soflty ground his hips against him.

“Oh yes”, Hux whispered, closing his eyes. “Yes, Kylo.”

“I want this so much”, Kylo whispered, his voice shaking a little. “It’s becoming so hard to think of anything else.” He ground against Hux again and Hux felt how hard he was, felt his dick move against his own. Now that he knew this would lead to somewhere for him, that he would not be left frustrated and wanting, it was so much better. He started moving in his own rhythm and Kylo let him, waited to take up Hux’s pace. It felt agonizingly good to do this, to feel Kylo’s body so close, separated only by the thin fabric of his underpants. Their chests were pressed together, and he put his arm around him to pull him closer. 

“What do you want me to do?” Kylo whispered. The light tremor in his voice told Hux how excited he was. He was probably about to come already and Hux felt slightly jealous of him. But even more he wanted to experience it, to feel Kylo go rigid in his arms, shudder and throw his head back when he couldn’t last any longer.

“This is good”, he whispered back. “Want you to come.”

“No.” Kylo sounded almost shocked. He stopped moving and looked down at Hux. “You’re right, I’m close. But it’s your turn first.”

Hux moaned. Somehow Kylo putting his orgasm above his own totally did it for him. 

“We’ll take as long as you need.” Ren assured him. “I’ll enjoy every second of this.”

That was exactly what Hux needed to hear right now and it took away his underlying fear of being abandoned by Kylo while being in desperate need of his touch.   
And then Kylo’s lips were close to his ear again, making him shiver and he whispered to him how much he wanted him and how good he was at everything he did. It felt so good to hear those words, to hear Kylo’s low and rumbling voice while he was stroking him in exactly the right pace. It made him feel light-headed at first and after a while there was only Kylo’s voice and his touch and the aching thrum of heat in his abdomen. He lost all sense of time when Kylo proceeded to kiss his neck, lick that extremely sensitive spot. 

It felt as if his whole body was singing with electricity now, every muscle was taut and his pulse frantic. He was arching into Kylo’s touch, no longer trying to suppress his moans. It was agonizing now and for a few desperate moments he felt like he wouldn’t be able to let go, that he would not find his release. But Kylo kissed him hungrily, practically devoured him, still stroking him and keeping that wonderful rhythm.

And finally, he felt relief surge through him like a giant wave, every nerve end in his body firing when he was practically ripped apart by his orgasm. It felt like falling and flying at the same time and he could hear himself screaming Kylo’s name. 

“Come inside me”, he whispered as soon as he could speak again. Like the last time he desperately wanted to feel Kylo inside him now, to be filled by him. He wanted it so much, he had to keep himself from clawing at Kylo’s back, to force him closer.

Luckily Kylo didn’t need any more encouragement. He was frantic when he positioned himself to enter Hux, almost too eager to get it right at first but then he was inside and they both moaned with pleasure. He leaned down to Hux and they kissed again. Hux knew Kylo would not be able to last long and he savoured every single thrust, basked in the feeling of how much Kylo wanted him. His body was so relaxed now that it didn’t hurt at all, even when Kylo’s movements became more vigorous. 

And oh, how much he loved it now when Kylo came buried deep inside of him. It was absolutely magical to see that beautiful face, contorted with pleasure. And to know that he was the one responsible for Kylo’s orgasm.

“Yes, Kylo”, he whispered. “Feels so good.”

He could see how his words made it even better for Kylo, felt the shudders run through his body, sensed the heat burning through his veins.

And then Kylo collapsed next to him, still careful not to hurt him and they lay very still for a few long moments. Hux marvelled at how sated he felt. He had absolutely no desire to move, feeling as if he weight several tons and it felt surprisingly good. Kylo was softly stroking his arm and he liked that, too. 

“Was it okay for you?” Kylo asked, almost shy.

Hux turned his head towards him. “Okay? Are you serious? You made me come. It was…” he tried to find the right words but it was difficult. “Marvellous”, he finally said.

Kylo sighed. “I just wish I was more experienced. I hate that I always come so fast.”

Hux smiled. “I kind of like it.” He took Kylo’s hand and moved it to his lips to kiss it. “It shows me how much you want me.”

“Oh yes, I really do.” Kylo moved closer, put his arms around Hux. “Can I sleep here tonight?”

Hux hesitated for a second. “Yes”, he finally said. 

When Kylo was already asleep he lay awake, contemplating where this was going to lead. There was no way this was going to last, even thouh it was starting to feel as if he needed it.

*

„Should we still follow the plan, or should we evacuate sector seven, sir?” Mitaka finished with a light bow of his head.

Hux realized that he hadn’t been listening for the last five minutes and wasn’t even sure which sector seven Mitaka was talking about. This wasn’t the first time that had happened, and it was getting more and more dangerous. He had to stay focused, couldn’t let his mind wander during debriefings. It wasn’t that bad if it was Lieutenant Mitaka who admired him. But there were still many in the fleet who were only waiting to see him slip. Peavey of course and he also suspected Canady.

“Could you repeat that, Lieutenant. I may not have caught all of the information.”

Mitaka blushed. “I’m sorry, Grand Marshall for not making myself completely clear.”

He repeated his report and this time Hux managed not to let his thoughts wander. “I see no need to evacuate”, he said. “We will send reinforcements.”

“Very well, sir.” Mitaka bowed again and quickly walked back to his console. 

Hux wished it was always so easy dealing with his subordinates but normally he could not count on anyone to allow him to safe face if he slipped. Most of the stormtroopers were loyal to him or at least he’d thought that before Finn had shuttered his believe in his troops. But apart from them there were so many who wanted nothing more than to see him fail. He was too successful at a too young age as not to have enemies. And he had to prove them wrong. He had to show everyone that he was completely capable of fulfilling his position as Grand Marshall. Especially Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren was the reason he succeeded in that regard right now, despite his mind being distracted in a very inconvenient way. Kylo had stayed true to his word of taking on more responsibilities and getting more involved in running the First Order. If Hux was honest with himself he would have collapsed under the workload by now if that wasn’t the case. It was so much more difficult to stay focused and alert during meetings when his body reacted every time he so much as thought of Kylo Ren.

It was the first time in his life this happened to him and things had been so much easier before. Then again, he didn’t really want to change it, as unnerving as it was. But the way Kylo made him feel now … he didn’t want to lose it again. 

But he would, of course. Things as good as that weren’t meant for him, they never had been. And it was important to remember to concentrate on the things he could control instead of getting swept away by something completely out of his power. Or it was bound to break him at some point.

He spent the rest of his working cycle on the bridge, not allowing himself to sit down, forcing his mind to focus on read-outs and new plans and strategies for combing the galaxy for rebel outposts and dealing with uprisings. 

He felt exhausted when it was time for his resting cycle but he knew he wouldn’t be able to sleep. He had to sign reports and hoped he would be able to concentrate enough to memorize the facts in them. 

He had been at his console for a few standard minutes when Kylo entered his rooms. “I really can’t right now”, he said looking up. “It’s three more cycles until our next scheduled meeting.”

“You want me to leave the ship.” Kylo said. 

It took Hux a moment to grasp the meaning of that sentence. Then he understood. Kylo must have gotten the request about his required presence on Devaron, where he was to lead their troops against a considerable uprising against the First Order.

“It wasn’t my idea”, he said. “And it’s only a request. Of course, it’s up to you, Supreme Leader.”

“You know you don’t have to call me that.” Kylo came a step closer. The look on his face seemed almost weary. “So, you think it’s a good idea if I went.”

“Certainly.” Hux said. “What could be better than your presence to convey the strength of the First Order to those imbeciles?”

“I’ll go if you want me to.”

“Kylo.” Hux got up. “It’s not as if I’m sending you to your death. Not at all. You’ll be gone for five cycles, maybe shorter. And there’s no danger. They hardly have any weapons.”

“I know that”, Kylo said. “It’s not that I’m afraid of the mission. I’m afraid you want me gone.”

“Of course not.” Hux said, a little too quick. Because now that Kylo mentioned it, he had to admit he was glad he would have time to regain his composure, to put everything into perspective. Maybe he could get back to his usual self. He sighed, walking over to Kylo. “You would really help me if you went to Devaron. That uprising may seem like a small problem, but I know how quickly these things spiral out of control. I don’t want to make another mistake because I neglect something seemingly harmless.”

He was surprised when Kylo took his wrist and pulled him closer. “Starkiller wasn’t your fault and the Supremacy wasn’t your fault”, he whispered, running a hand through Hux’s hair. “No one could have foreseen the things that happened there.”

Hux was surprised how good it felt to hear Kylo say those words. In his whole live he had only ever been told he had to take the blame. This was completely new. It felt … liberating. “Thank you”, he whispered.

“Of course, I’ll go if it helps your plans in any way. I’m sorry for misunderstanding.” He kissed his temple and that little spark inside of Hux’s belly immediately came to life, his cheeks growing warm. His body reacting in these ways was still new to Hux but it didn’t feel unpleasant. He pressed closer to Kylo for a moment, before moving away.

“I know you have to work.” Kylo smiled. “But it’s your resting cycle. At least promise me you’ll sleep for a few standard hours.”

Hux nodded even though he knew he probably wouldn’t.

Kylo left the ship for Devaron the next cycle with a section of Hux’s troops aboard the Perisher. Hux was surprised he hadn’t asked to spend his resting cycle with him. Only surprised of course, not disappointed. He’d come to say good-bye at least, even if it had been a very brief encounter. Hux did tell him to take care of himself, but that was only because he knew Kylo and his temper. He didn’t want him to endanger the mission. That was all.

*

Sending Kylo away didn’t have the desired effect. Hux noticed as much when he caught himself staring into open space for the third time in one cycle. He was supposed to prepare a meeting with the high-ranking officers of the fleet and was instead pondering when he had started calling Ren Kylo in his head. Even during the meeting, he kept checking his comm unit, because he found it rather unusual that Kylo hadn’t contacted him yet. Surely, they must have already reached Devaron and he had to be informed about the situation there. 

It wasn’t that he missed Kylo or worried about him. That couldn’t be. But crushing the uprising was an important mission and he hated not knowing what was happening. It was outrageous that the Supreme Leader failed to inform his Grand Marshal about every one of his steps. It was protocol to do so! Surely Kylo Ren knew that. He hated not knowing what was going on with his troops.

But he had to admit it wasn’t only that.

Now that Kylo Ren was no longer aboard the ship, Hux felt an emptiness inside of him that was even worse than the confusion from before. What in the seven galaxies was wrong with him?

After another cycle without hearing from Kylo or any of the troops on Devaron he became more and more aggravated. Two more cycles and he was ready to admit that he was indeed worried. Half of the radar technicians and two thirds of the communication officers were busy trying to establish a connection with the Perisher. Hux was standing very upright aboard the bridge, in view of Lieutenant Mitakas console and had to keep himself from pacing. He even had to consciously control his hands to keep from fidgeting. He hadn’t felt this unsettled since the impending destruction of Starkiller Base.

It was unnerving to feel like this and he knew he made bad decisions and focused too much on the fate of the Perisher. There were other ongoing missions that required his attention but before he heard from Kylo he didn’t really care what happened elsewhere in the galaxy. Why was it that a few physical encounters could change things so drastically? Two standard months ago he would have been glad if Kylo hadn’t returned from a mission.

“Sir, I have a connection”, Lieutenant Brandis finally said and Hux felt so relieved he could have hugged her. 

“Well done, Brandis.” He moved in front of her holo device at the same time as a small holo image of Kylo Ren appeared right in front of him. He felt weak at the knees for a moment but composed himself immediately.

“Why haven’t you contacted the ship for four cycles?” he asked, trying to sound as controlled as possible and not to look as if he hadn’t slept since Kylo left.   
“We faced some major problems on Devaron”, Kylo said calmly. “It seems the rebels were expecting us. They sat a trap and succeeded in disabling our communication systems and our navigating device, using a force field. There was no fight, but they were able to evacuate their base.”

Hux was surprised to find he didn’t even care the rebels got away. It felt too good to see Kylo’s face, to know that he hadn’t been harmed. “That is not good news”, he said. “Are your systems re-established?”

“Affirmative.”

“That means you will return to the Finalizer as soon as possible.”

“I consider tracking them and going after them.”

Hux shook his head dismissively. “You’ve lost too much time. They could be anywhere.”

“We could at least check the surrounding system for another base. Even if it’s empty we might gather information.”

“Or walk into another trap. I highly recommend you return, Supreme Leader. It was a mistake that you left the ship in the first place.”

“Do you really think so Grand Marshall?”

Hux asked himself if anyone else was able to see that glint in Kylo’s eyes. He hoped not. “Yes.”

“I would like to speak to you in private.”

Hux swallowed but nodded. “I’ll be in my rooms right away.”

He was glad for the excuse to get away from the bridge. In his rooms he took a moment, standing completely still, trying to regain his composure. His heart was beating as if it wanted to break free from his body, his hands were shaking lightly. If this was sleep-deprivation then why did he feel so good, so completely alive? His cheeks were warm and he hoped it didn’t show, when he finally opened his communication device. 

Kylo’s holo image appeared before his eyes again and this time he was smiling. Hux still wasn’t used to seeing that or the way it made his chest ache. Kylo looked so young, so hopeful when he smiled. Not dark and distanced as he usually did and Hux really wanted to hug him. 

“Are you coming back?” he asked, surprised at how tight his throat felt.

“Do you miss me?”

“That’s not the point.” He felt himself blush even more and he hated it. “You should be back on this ship for the sake of the First Order. My feelings are not important.”

“Reserved as always”, Kylo sighed, looking slightly put out. Hux almost felt sorry and contemplated whether he should tell Kylo that he had indeed been worried about him.

“There’s something I wanted to tell you”, Kylo said, before he could decide.

“Yes?”

“I want to end our treaty.”

Hux swallowed hard. For a moment he felt as if he really needed to sit down but he managed to remain motionless. He’d known this day would come. It was just that he hadn’t expected it to be so soon. “As you wish.”

Kylo looked back over his shoulder. “I’m needed, Hux. We’ll talk about everything when I get back to the ship.”

“Certainly.”

The image of Kylo disappeared and Hux stood completely still for a few moments. Then he slowly walked over to the sofa and sat down. There was absolutely no reason for his chest to ache like this. He had always known the treaty was not permanent. Kylo Ren was unstable, ever-changing like the tide and always followed through with the ideas that came into his head. He was passionate of course and extremely determined, able to set his mind on something to accomplish it. For a while it must have amused him to get inside Hux’s head, to see how far he could get him to open up.

It had probably been much easier than he had thought, and he had lost interest like a cat lost interest in a dead mouse. 

He had known this so why did it feel as if his chest was crushed? As if every bone in his body ached with loss? He buried his head in his hands, his shoulders cramping.

He would allow himself ten standard minutes. After that he would go back to the bridge and everything would be back to normal. Nothing had changed between him and Kylo Ren.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the slight cliffhanger but I promise to update soon. Thank you for any comments and kudos and a big hug for my beta @senema!


	6. Chapter 6

For the first time since he could remember, Hux felt ill. He knew exhaustion and pain, of course, and he’d been injured more than once in the line of duty. But this was different. There was a throbbing ache in his head and he felt sluggish and weary. It was degrading that he knew he wasn’t physically ill, that this was caused by emotions only.

Prove once again that it made absolutely no sense to allow himself to feel things.

He was not that useless paper-thin boy he had once been, but the Grand Marshall of the First Order. This state of mind was completely unacceptable. He tried to bury himself in work and it helped a little, but on the other hand doing what he did had never felt this useless. He couldn’t even seem to remember anymore why it was so important to bring order to the whole galaxy. He had believed his own mind to be in perfect order, yet a few tender touches and friendly words had been able to turn it into chaos.

The worst thing was how readily and carelessly Kylo had thrown away everything they had. Just six words, spoken without regret or much thought and everything was over. It was almost unbearable.

He didn’t know how he was supposed to face Kylo now. As happy as he had been that Kylo would be back aboard the ship, now he loathed seeing him again. He wasn’t sure if he would be able to hide all his anger and disappointment and be as aloof as he wanted to seem.  
Of course, he would not be able to avoid Kylo forever, he knew that. He just needed a little more time to get back to his normal self. It had to be possible, right? For years he had survived with almost no emotion at all apart from anger and ambition. He had been completely self-reliant. It should not be too difficult to get back to that.

*

It was his resting cycle and he was lying completely still on his sofa, trying to concentrate on battle plans and statistics. It was no use. His mind kept going back to Kylo Ren and how close he had felt to him. It felt even more degrading to be betrayed by his own body once again. His skin still craved Kylo’s touch, his lips remembered his kisses all too well and that aching unfamiliar need would not abate, even though he kept telling himself that there would never be another encounter with Kylo Ren.

Why could he not close this chapter of his life like he had been able to close every other one? Why did this keep burning inside of him when it was so completely useless? He was a man of logic and intellect and this behaviour went against everything he stood for. He couldn’t even say if he was angry or sad or desperate. He only knew that he was deeply unsettled.

Nothing warned him of Kylo’s entrance. He had of course changed the code to his quarters, but he should have known that Kylo would be able to use the force to get here. He quickly rose to a sitting position and tried to seem as collected as possible while feeling utterly vulnerable.

“Hello Ren.” He crossed his legs. “What brings you here?”

Ren eyed him for a moment, seemingly confused. “I wanted to see you. To be honest I was hoping you might welcome me on the hangar deck.”  
Hux almost snorted. Typical for Ren to just throw a punch like that at him and expect absolutely nothing to change afterwards. “Why would I do that?”  
Ren sighed. “Why indeed. Look Hux, do you really think we should keep pretending?”

Hux couldn’t believe his ears. “Oh, so that’s what it was for you?” His voice was very quiet, and he noticed he sounded almost amused, despite the bitterness and pain that was flowing through his veins now. “Can I please remind you that you were the one who asked for this little arrangement in our treaty?”

“I know.” Ren had the audacity to look at him with that pleading gaze he had. “It was a mistake. I should not have demanded that of you.”

“A mistake? That’s what you call it?” Hux was almost about to laugh, but he was afraid he might start crying or something equally embarrassing if he did. He bit his lip instead. “You could not have realized that a bit earlier?”

“Hux, I’m so sorry if I hurt you in any way. That was not my intention.” Kylo came a step closer and Hux instinctively moved back into the couch, away from him.  
“You don’t have the power to hurt me”, he hissed. “Not even if you tried.”

“Why are you so angry then?”, Kylo asked softly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to contact you, but you wanted me to leave the ship.”

Hux swallowed hard. Did Ren honestly not understand? “It’s not about that.”

“So, it is the treaty then?”

Hux kept quiet, eyeing Ren. Not even Kylo could be that dense, right? He had seen enough to know that his ending the treaty like he had would hurt Hux. Or was Ren really not able to feel emotions anymore? Hux could not believe that. He had felt them himself.

“Are you making fun of me?” he asked. “I don’t think I deserve that.”

“I would never!” Ren seemed so appalled by the idea that Hux was taken aback. Also, Ren seemed completely lost now, his gaze confused and even a little scared. “Please, tell me what’s wrong.”

Hux got up. “Ending our treaty just like that. Without any warning. You must have known I … I…”

“I thought we didn’t need it anymore!” Ren almost shouted. “That was what I meant. Now that we have a real relationship we don’t need to call it a treaty. Surely you couldn’t have believed I wanted to stop being with you…” he stopped short. “Oh no. You did.”

Hux swallowed hard. Something inside of him melted and at the same time he felt so humiliated, so vulnerable. “Leave”, he whispered.

“Hux…”

“Just go.”

“I’m so sorry”, Ren said, looking helpless.

And Hux really had to be alone. Right now. “I know. Please just leave.”

It seemed as if Kylo wanted to say something else but then he relented. Hux was thankful the door slid close behind him and he could bury his face in his hands. He couldn’t even tell if anger or relief were stronger inside of him right now. But he knew one thing: If this – whatever it was between him and Kylo – was able to reduce him to such a mess he had to end it. Maybe this time it had just been a misunderstanding, but he didn’t have the slightest doubt that sooner or later it was bound to come crushing down on him and he never wanted to feel like this again.

*

Rey pressed her back to the boulder she was leaning against and pressed her blaster to her chest. She closed her eyes and reached out with the force to determine how near her enemies were. She could sense them merely a few hundred feet away and she also sensed their fear and confusion. They were lost, as it had been Rey’s intention when she had started to lure them away from her people and into the mist of this forsaken planet. The downside of using the force was that it made it so much harder to kill them if she knew how they felt. The stormtroopers looked like robots to her and that was much better than looking into human or alien faces when she fired a fatal blow or killed them with her light-saber. She had no choice however. This was war and the troops of the First Order never hesitated to execute her people.

She took another deep breath and steeled herself to get up and fire immediately.

Kylo Ren chose exactly that moment to appear before her eyes. They had been able to connect through the force for a while now, but it still always managed to startle her when he contacted her. He seemed to be able to establish a connection much more easily than she could. Then again maybe it was just because he had more practice.

“Can’t really talk right now”, she whispered but the look on Kylo’s face immediately made her regret it. He looked so crestfallen and lost it made her chest ache with sympathy. “Oh no”, she said. “What went wrong?”

“I can see you’re occupied right now”, Kylo said wearily. “We’ll talk later.”

“Wait!” Rey knew that something dreadful must have happened to him and she also knew that keeping her connection with Kylo was most crucial right now. More important even than winning this fight because it was their only real hope.

And apart from that, Kylo had become so important to her personally that it went way beyond any strategical calculations. Since Kylo had opened up to her by talking about Hux, she had felt the almost extinct light inside of him rekindle itself. And since him and Hux were becoming closer it was burning brighter, like a candle in the darkness. She was frightened for that vulnerable flame and desperately wanted to protect it. She knew how easily it might expire. “Just let me get out of here.”

Kylo disappeared but she could sense that the link was still there. Quickly she got up and moved in the opposite direction of her enemies. They were too confused to find their way back. She had meddled with their sense of orientation. All she needed was a hide-out that would keep her safe for a little while. She found it behind a formation of rocks. Swiftly she moved into a crevice to hide from view and called for Kylo.

“Did Hux find out you warned us about Devaron?”

“No. I think that might have been better.”

“Thanks for that, by the way. We were able to evacuate everyone.”

“It took us four days to get our systems working again after we fell in your trap. Who was responsible for that?”

“Rose. It had to seem believable, right?”

Kylo frowned. “It did. Hux wasn’t happy I didn’t contact him for so long.”

“Oh no.” Rey bit her lip. “I’m sorry. Was that the problem?”

“No. He was actually more open when we were able to talk again. I ruined things all by myself.”

“What did you do?” Rey felt anxious now.

“I told him I wanted to end our treaty.”

She was silent for a moment. “Why would you do that?”

“I meant of course that we didn’t need it anymore, because we have a real connection now.”

“And you told him that?”

“Well, no. We were interrupted before I got to that part. He completely misunderstood me and when we met again a cycle later we kept misunderstanding each other and … he threw me out.” Kylo looked panicked now and Rey felt the same way.

She knew how extremely important this connection to Hux was to Kylo, even though she couldn’t understand why it had to be him. But he couldn’t lose him now. From Leia she had learned how extremely dangerous love could become to force-users. It was the power that had pulled Anakin Skywalker over to the dark side. Love could so easily be warped into something painful and destructive. If that happened to Kylo he would be lost. “I told you, you had to be careful!”  
She didn’t want to chide him but couldn’t keep herself from saying that sentence. “This is even more difficult for him than it is for you! He’s never even known anything resembling affection!”

“Yes”, Kylo said quietly. “I don’t know how I could have been so careless.”

“He’s going to shy away from this now like a wounded animal. He’s felt how deeply you can hurt him.”

“But I would never want to!”

“How is he supposed to know that? You made him loose his composure, made him act human and in his eyes that’s the worst that can happen to him.” Rey realized that she had been talking too loudly.

“So, what do I do now?”

“You have to get his trust back”, she whispered. “Show him that it’s okay if he lets his guard down around you, because you’re never going to be his enemy. And that is not going to be easy.”

“I know it’s not.”

“We have to think of something.” She was quiet for a moment, gnawing at her lower lip. “I don’t think ending the treaty was a good idea. Even if he hadn’t misunderstood. But for him it’s probably helpful to be able to tell himself that he’s fulfilling his duty, that there’s a written agreement about your relationship. He must have felt safe because of that.”

“Yes”, Kylo said quietly. “That makes sense.” He looked up at her. “I wish I could take everything back.”

“Don’t worry”, Rey said. “We’ll think of something. Everything is going to be alright. Just don’t unsettle him more by leaving the ship again or not talking to him.” 

She frowned. “And of course, you have to make sure he never finds out about our conversations. Or that you warn me before First Order attacks.”

“I was hoping that someday he might see that everything is not black and white and perfect order is not the only solution for the galaxy.”

“That will need time. First you have to get his trust back.”

“Yes.”

“And you will.” She wished she was able to hug him. He looked so forlorn.

“Maybe you could ask Poe for advice?”

“I … I could.” She avoided his gaze and knew immediately that he saw through her.

“Don’t tell me they’ve split up.”

“I’m sure it’s only temporary.”

“What happened?”

She sighed knowing there was no way she could lie to him without him noticing. “Finn feels like he can’t be in a relationship. That he has to find out who he truly is first.”

“And Poe?”

“Is devastated.”

Kylo nodded. “Thanks for telling me.”

“That doesn’t mean Hux and you won’t work things out. I’m sure Finn will make up his mind.”

“Yes. I’d better go now.”

“Please, don’t despair. Talk to him. It’s not too late yet. And we’ll work on a plan.”

The connection stopped rather suddenly, and she really hoped it was because Kylo had been interrupted.

“Please let this turn out fine”, she whispered, leaning her head back against the stone behind her.

*

Kylo knew he had to talk to Hux again immediately. He could not wait for Rey to work on some kind of plan, because he felt he was losing time. He was deeply worried and had to know how Hux felt. Also he needed to let him know that he understood and that he was going to be more careful in the future.   
The force let him know that Hux was still in his quarters. The temptation to delve deeper into his mind and maybe find out what he was truly feeling was overwhelming but he knew that in the long run it would do nothing to earn Hux’s trust. No one enjoyed being force-read and Hux loathed it. He had to rely on other powers to make this right.

It was unusual that Hux was still in his quarters and not on the bridge and Kylo hoped this wasn’t a bad sign. He had no qualms however about using the force to enter Hux’s quarters again. He simply needed to talk to him.

Hux was sitting at his console and seemed so calm that for a moment Kylo felt hopeful. But when he looked up his gaze was cold and distant, and his heart dropped.

“Yes?”, he said. “What can I do for you?”

Kylo hated the way that sounded. As if nothing had happened between them, as if Hux had never fallen asleep curled against his chest. His heart ached with the feeling of loss and he dreaded what Hux was going to say.

“You can listen to me”, he said quietly. “Please?”

“Of course.” Hux folded his hands and looked at him, but without apprehension. He had never seemed more like a droid to Kylo. He swallowed hard.  
“I made a mistake”, he said. “I should never have told you that I wanted to end our treaty. It isn’t even true. All I wanted was for you to know that you are completely free, that you have no obligations to me.”

“Yes”, Hux said. “I understood that.”

“I never meant to say that I wanted to end what we have.” He hoped he was right in still using the present tense. “That was not my intention. I desperately want our relationship to continue, treaty or not.”

Hux stayed completely silent and Kylo felt icicles growing in his chest. “I want to be with you, Hux.”

“Yes”, Hux said. “I understand that.”

Kylo would have felt relief at that, if Hux hadn’t seemed completely detached while saying that sentence.

“Unfortunately, I realized I won’t be able to give you what you are looking for.” He said that sentence as if he was telling Kylo he hadn’t been able to provide the proper amount of fuel for their ship.

“But you already have”, Kylo said softly.

Hx shook his head. “It only seemed that way”, he said. “For a while I may have even thought so myself, but I realized how wrong I was. I cannot have a relationship with you, because I’m not able to feel like you.”

“I thought you were”, Kylo said weakly.

Hux shook his head. His gaze was firm but not unkind and that unsettled Kylo more than anything else, because he was afraid that Hux was maybe telling him the truth. “There’s not enough of it in me”, he said. “While we were calling it a treaty, I was able to act as if I was what you needed. I thought you wanted me to. But it wasn’t real, Kylo. And it would be unfair of me to make you believe it was.”

It felt as if one of the icicles in his chest grew straight through his heart. “Nothing was real?” His voice almost broke.

“I did enjoy the sex”, Hux said and somehow that made Kylo realize that Hux was telling him the truth.

He nodded, backing away from Hux now. “I see.”

“I’m the one who should apologize for leading you on”, Hux said. “I thought it was what you wanted.”

Kylo left the room as if he was fleeing from something.

*

Standing in front of the external observation panel in his quarters, Kylo didn’t even see the myriads of stars behind the transparent steel wall.  
There was a darkness inside of him that felt like a maelstrom, calling for him. The call was strong and tempting and he knew that if he heeded it, he could make Hux love him. The anger and pain he had felt for as long as he could remember had been subdued for a while by the warmth of his feelings for Hux. Now they were back with a vengeance, threatening to consume him.

He didn’t react when Rey tried to contact him.

*  
Hux realized that he hadn’t been able to understand even one of the sentences he had just read on his datapad. His hands were shaking, and he dropped it on his desk, leaning his forehead onto the cool plate.  
He had always been such a good liar. It had helped him on his path and sometimes he was even able to betray himself. Now however the truth was burning inside of him and he wasn’t able to avoid it, wasn’t able to concentrate on anything else.  
And the bitter truth was that his feelings for Kylo had become so strong he was not only afraid they might distract him from his path. He was afraid they might kill him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for your kind comments. They are so much appreciated.  
> And thanks to my beta @senema. Love you!


	7. Chapter 7

The next cycles felt like a complete blur to Hux. There had never been a time in his life when his work and his path to greatness had seemed less important to him and it terrified him. He had hoped that walking away from his relationship with Kylo would clear his head and make him functional again, but the opposite was the case. 

There were things he just could not do anymore, because they reminded him of Kylo. Drinking tarine tea was one of them and he missed the taste and the calmness drinking it always brought him. Still he could not bring himself to brew it. He knew it was completely stupid and irrational, but he could not change it. Even going to bed had become a challenge, because his bedroom brought back memories of Kylo he desperately wanted to push to the back of his mind. And then of course there was the constant danger of meeting Ren on the bridge and for some reason that thought terrified him, left him almost unable to move.  
Staying in his quarters of course was not an option. He had to be on his post, had to show his troops and his enemies that he was highly functional and in complete control. Nothing else was acceptable. He knew that by now Peavey had realized that something was wrong with him. He could feel his prying eyes on him right now as he was standing on the bridge, studying the read-outs of Mitaka’s console without really grasping anything. It made him nervous and that distracted him even more. He had always been informed about everything going on aboard his ship and even though he had made mistakes he had still always thought of himself as capable of his position. Now however that had started to change.

He could feel Kylo’s presence on the bridge before he even saw him. His shoulders tensed and his heart beat like a bird trying to fly out of his body. It made him feel almost light-headed and he hoped his reaction didn’t show. He could feel the atmosphere on the bridge tense immediately and all he wanted to do was leave. But of course, that would have looked extremely weird to everyone. 

“Supreme Leader”, he greeted Ren with a nod and even though he was the one who had told Kylo he wanted to end everything he could feel poison running through his veins when Ren didn’t even acknowledge him. There was such a pain in his chest he felt unable to breathe for a moment. This could not be normal. Maybe there was something wrong with him.

*

“Severe chest pain, headaches, confusion and loss of sleep is that right?” The medical droid asked.

Hux nodded, unable to speak because he felt so embarrassed. It had cost him so much effort to visit med-bay and only the knowledge that he owed it to his troops to be functional again had finally made him do it.

“I also can’t eat”, he added. “I’ve completely lost my appetite.”

“Let me perform a full body scan and run some tests and see what we come up with.” The droid sounded completely indifferent and Hux was thankful for that.  
He was anxious while he was lying on one of the stretchers while the droids took blood samples, scanned him and ran some other tests. Hux almost wished that something was indeed wrong, because then he would not have to be ashamed for the way he felt. Being ill was a sign of weakness too, of course, and his father had always scolded him for being so weak and sickly. Not being functional because of his feelings however was on a completely different level. 

He hoped there was medicine he could take or even surgery to make his problems go away.

“I have your results”, the droid finally said after what felt like forever for Hux. He quickly sat up, trying not to seem too anxious.

“You show symptoms of broken-heart-syndrom.”

Hux flinched as if the droid had punched him in the gut. If medical droids were even able to make fun of their patients he would have suspected that was what the droid was doing. But they weren’t, and he had to assume he was completely serious.

“Is that a real condition?” he asked, careful to keep his voice controlled.

“Yes. They symptoms are similar to those of a heart-attack. Chest-pain, shortage of breath and a low blood pressure. But there is absolutely nothing wrong with your heart.”

“Of course, there isn’t”, Hux snapped. “And it is definitely not broken.”

“The syndrome can be caused by great emotional stress of any kind”, the droid explained. “You have been through a lot, general. Maybe you should allow yourself some rest.”

“I don’t need rest.” Hux started to remove the little electrodes the droid had placed on him from his chest. “And I certainly can’t afford it.”

“You will have to”, the droid said. “After what I’ve seen I have no other choice but to report your constitution and retire you to your quarters for at least three cycles. For the good of the fleet.”

Hux knew the droid had acted according to protocol, but he still felt furious when he walked back to his rooms. This was outrageous. Everyone would guess that he was indisposed if he didn’t show his face on the bridge for three cycles. And he was also afraid of the thoughts that were sure to consume him when he was alone.

The only good side was that he would not see Kylo and he hoped that would help him settle. Right now, he wasn’t feeling like the commander of a ship anyway and he was even afraid his current condition might permanently harm his abilities. He felt shaken to the core.

And apart from everything else, he was also so afraid that something might happen to Kylo Ren. They were at war with the resistance and they still strived to destroy the First Order. Nothing about that had changed. But now the mere thought that Kylo could be harmed in any way during a fight was unbearable.  
Hux felt like a caged animal in his quarters. He desperately wished there was something to do for him like clean up or organize something but as he hardly possessed anything he was stuck with reading reports again and that was starting to drive him insane. He also couldn’t stand the interior design of his rooms anymore. When he looked at the sofa he saw Kylo sipping tarine tea and reaching out for his hand. His desk reminded him of Kylo stepping behind him to massage his shoulders and his bedroom was the worst of course. 

His head was spinning, and he finally decided he needed to put an end to this. He had to sleep. Maybe his head would be clearer afterwards. Luckily, he always kept injections of tranquilizers in his room in case he couldn’t sleep. He didn’t like taking them, because he wanted to be functional in case of emergency. But he wasn’t functional right now anyway, so he could just as well use them. While taking the little box out of the safe in his bedroom he contemplated the fact that he had never needed tranquilizers during his arrangement with Kylo. He hadn’t even been aware that it had apparently help him relax.

He got rid of his greatcoat and shirt before he held the needle upwards and pressed until a little drop of the clear liquid appeared. Then he injected it into his upper arm with practiced moves. It stung a little, but somehow the pain was reassuring. He knew that he had about ten minutes left, before the effect would set in. He brushed his teeth and put on a pyjama and already his movements became sluggish. He decided to sleep on the sofa, because the idea of waking up in the bed and looking around for Kylo frightened him. As soon as he had pulled a blanket over himself everything went mercifully dark.

*

Hux was woken by the blaring sound of alarm from his console. Normally he could raise from his sleep and immediately be completely awake, but the tranquilizers were still strong in his blood. For a moment he felt disoriented by the fact that he was on his sofa. 

He reached for his datapad and almost dropped it but then he managed to get the information he needed. The alarm came from Kylo’s quarters.  
Immediately his training kicked in. He got dressed fast, despite his movements being impaired and ordered a division of stormtroopers to Kylo’s door, commanding them not to enter before he arrived. 

While he quickly moved through the corridors of the ship he tried to anticipate what was happening in Kylo’s quarters. Had he been assaulted? Had their security systems been undermined? Was he in grave danger? Hux was more than worried. If he was honest with himself his racing heart betrayed his fear, but there was no time now, to even think about that.

When he arrived, he motioned for the waiting stormtroopers to follow him only if he called for them. His intuition told him that it was better if he went in alone.The securitiy code hadn’t been changed so he was able to open the door. He stepped through it. 

He wasn’t prepared for what he found, even though he should have expected something like this. 

Kylo’s room was completely destroyed. The durasteel walls had several dents and had been cut through in several places. The console on the right was wrecked, electric wires still sizzling. The sofa was unrecognizable and even the external observation portal had several scratches. His first thought was that a grenade must have gone off. But this wasn’t the kind of damage that could be caused by a bomb.

Also Kylo was standing in the middle of the room, seemingly unharmed, clutching his lightsabre that was still burning bright red. And Hux understood what had happened. 

Kylo turned around to face him in slow motion and when he saw him there was a look of desperation and regret in his eyes. “I’m sorry”, he said, much too timid for a man who had wreaked havoc to his own room a few minutes ago. “I know you hate this.”

“Are you hurt?” Hux asked.

Kylo shook his head, biting his lower lip. He looked so much like a kid who had been caught destroying an expensive toy that it made Hux’s heart twist a little.  
And suddenly he understood what Kylo was feeling. Or at least he got an idea of it. If it drove him to do this, it must hurt him as much as it hurt Hux. And that meant that it was true. Not just a way of amusing himself. Not just a fleeting sentiment. Somehow, he had needed this kind of proof to really grasp that reality.  
“Why did you do this?” he asked, taking a step towards Kylo. He knew he sounded cold and distant, but he didn’t feel that way anymore. It was just difficult to change his demeanour that had been a mask for so long. And the tranquilizers that kept him in check didn’t help. Kylo shrank back from him like a large black dog, scolded by his owner.

“It was no decision of mine”, Kylo said and all the energy seemed to leave his body. Judging by the state of the room it was clear he must have exhausted himself. The way his lips quivered, and his eyes shone also told Hux that he was emotionally drained. “I was so ashamed… so angry…”

“At me?”

“Not at you. Of course not.” Kylo extinguished his lightsabre and looked around himself as if still coming back from a trance. Seeing that there was not a single chair left intact in the room, he sat down on the floor. “At the way I’m feeling.”

Hux slowly walked over to him and Kylo looked up, obviously expecting to be berated. Strands of his dark hair hung over his eyes and his scar that had healed well seemed more prominent once again, making him appear vulnerable and young.

“You should never feel angry or ashamed about the way you feel.” Hux said and sat down next to Kylo. “I felt the same and look where it got me.”

“What do you mean?” There was a flicker of hope in Kylo’s gaze.

Hux took a deep breath. “Can’t you guess? I lied to you. When I said I had no feelings for you. That was a lie.”

Kylo simply stared at him for a moment, his gaze darkening. “Are you saying that because you think I can’t take it? Because you think I’m losing my mind?”

Hux shook his head. “I mean, I know you’re a little crazy, Kylo, but that’s not why I’m saying this. It drove me insane as much as you to think your feelings weren’t real.”

For a very long time Kylo didn’t say anything and Hux almost felt insecure again. It was dreadful to bear that silence after pouring his heart out, but he knew he had to give Kylo the time he needed.

And finally… finally Kylo leaned his head on Hux’s shoulder and Hux put an arm around his back, drawing him closer. They sat there for a long time in a room that was completely destroyed, watching the galaxy behind the observation panel. And Hux thought that he could understand why Kylo loved that view so much.

*

She looked so peaceful in her meditation that Kylo really didn’t want to disturb her. Then again, he could not wait to tell her the news.  
“Rey?” he whispered softly. 

She opened her eyes and blinked a few times as if she had to get a grip on reality. Kylo knew that feeling after meditation and waited until her eyes focused on him.

She smiled. “Kylo! I was so worried when you wouldn’t let me contact you.” She held out her hand and he touched her fingertips, a feeling of warmth tingling through his arm. Even though she was younger than he was, she reminded him of his mother. Like a sister would have. He always missed Leia more when he talked to Rey, but not in a way that hurt so much. 

Rey searched his face. “You’re not so lost anymore.”

Kylo nodded. “I feel better.”

“You were able to fix things with Hux?”

“Yes.” Kylo took her hand. “It was really bad for a while and I was sure I had lost him completely. But now he’s asked me to move in with him.”

“Are you serious?”

“I couldn’t believe my own ears.” Kylo couldn’t stop himself from smiling. “There was a … a situation with my room.”

“You destroyed it.”

“Well, yes.” Sometimes Rey knew him a little too well. “But it turned into something good, right?”

“Right.” Rey grinned. “Just take care not to get on his nerves too soon.”

“I won’t. Things are going well since we live together. Better than before.”

Rey contemplated that for a moment. “That doesn’t really surprise me”, she said. “Maybe you both needed some reassurance. Isn’t your crew surprised?”  
Kylo frowned. “Apparently not.”

“Or they are too afraid to say anything. You know we have to be even more careful now, right? Hux can’t know you’re still talking to me.”

Kylo squeezed her hand. “I’m hoping that some day I’ll be able to convince him that we can work hand in hand with the Resistance to make the galaxy a better place. He doesn’t seem so ambitious and determined as before to bring order to the galaxy. He seems a little more relaxed.”

“That sounds wonderful, Kylo. But it is going to take a long time.”

“I don’t mind. It’s worth it. I want to keep him in my life forever.”

She sighed. “I wish someone would say that about me.”

“I want to keep you too.”

She smiled. “I know.”

“What about Poe and Finn by the way?” He asked. “Did they make up?”

“Not yet. But I think they’re on a good path.”

Kylo couldn’t help but feel a little proud of himself for being better at relationships than Poe Dameron. “He has to let him know how much he means to him. That’s the most important thing. No matter how distant or aloof he seems.”

“That’s probably true for Hux”, Rey said. “I think Finn really needs his time. And Poe has no choice but to wait.”

“Maybe.” Kylo even felt a little sympathy for the pilot. Probably just because he himself was so happy right now. 

“So, does Hux have any more plans for destroying our outposts?” Rey asked.

Kylo shook his head, smiling. “I keep him occupied at the moment.”

“That’s probably as much information as I need”, Rey said. Then her face softened. “I’m really glad you two made it work, Kylo. And I wish you all the best.”  
“I could not have done it without you. Now go back to your mediation. I’ll go back to Hux.”

*

Hux was seated on the sofa when he heard Kylo enter the room they bothl ived in now.

This place had never felt like a home to him but now it did. For the first time in his life he felt as if he belonged somewhere. Initially, he had told Kylo that he could stay with him until his own quarters were rebuilt but it had become quite clear for them both that living together was good for them. They had different work schedules and barely any free time together and they both enjoyed spending the little time they had in each other’s company. Sometimes Kylo would crawl into bed right before Hux had to get up and he was able to cuddle up against Kylo for a few moments before he had to leave. Kylo also often made breakfast for him, before he went to bed and Hux made sure to schedule a few resting cycles each week that they could spend together. 

This was the beginning of one of these cycles and knowing that felt wonderful. He had never taken a real day off if he wasn’t ill or wounded during the time he served the first order. Having so many hours ahead of him with Kylo felt like the first holiday of his life. Just looking at Kylo told him that he felt the same way. He seemed so different, so much more at ease, as if something had finally been able to silence his frustration and pain. And Hux could hardly believe that someone was him.

“What are you doing?” Kylo asked, taking off his sword belt and cloak, throwing them carelessly over a chair. 

“Reading”, Hux said. “A novel. I can’t remember the last time I’ve read something else than reports or read-outs.”

“Is it good?”

“I quite enjoy it. Do you want me to make tea?” He sat up.

“No, please just stay where you are.” He sat down next to Hux and pulled him against his chest. “But you should make yourself a little more comfortable.”

“You’re just going to distract me.”

“I would never”, Kylo said and kissed his temple. 

It was not without surprise that Hux noticed he had absolutely nothing against being distracted. They craved each other so much they took every opportunity to make out and he’d been late for his shift more than once. That had never happened before, but he couldn’t even bring himself to care. Still it had been a while since they’d been able to take their time and go slow. He wanted to kiss every inch of Kylo’s body tonight. The desire was so strong that everything else was out of focus.

On the other hand, it felt divine just to sit here with Kylo, snuggle against him and let himself be held. He would never have thought that he would ever have anything like this, that he even wanted it. But he loved it so much. 

*

Kylo sighed with pleasure when Hux let himself be pulled against him. He couldn’t believe he was allowed to do this now, that he was allowed to be this close to Hux and feel how much the other man enjoyed it, how he relaxed in his embrace. He nuzzled at the nape of Hux’s neck, feeling him shiver lightly. “Maybe we could take our next shore leave together”, he suggested. “I want to spend even more time with you.”

“We can’t both leave the fleet at the same time”, Hux said, regret in his voice.

“Why not? Someone else could take over for a while.”

“Maybe.” Hux hesitated. “I’m not even sure I’m a worthy second in command to be honest.”

“Why would you ever say that?” Kylo was a little shocked and pulled Hux even closer, kissing his neck. “You’re the best there is.”

Hux leaned his head back against Kylo’s shoulder. “My priorities seem to have changed. I’m not sure I can be what you need me to be as a Grand Marshall.”

“How do you think I need you to be?”

“Brutal. Ruthless. Without pity or regret.”

Kylo felt a surge of relief run down his spine at those words. “That is not really what I want anymore, Hux. But let’s not talk about that now.”

“You’re right. Are you hungry?”

“No”, Kylo said and didn’t add “Except for you”, because he still didn’t want to push Hux, still wanted him to do things in his own time. 

“Are you sure? I could make you dinner.”

“Just stay with me”, Kylo pleaded. “I need you here.”

Hux smiled. “Are you sure you want to stay on the sofa? You seem tame tonight. Are you holding back?”

“I like taking things slow.”

“Really?” Hux turned around and smiled up at him and at the same time he reached out his hand to cup Kylo’s groin.

Kylo moaned deeply, his eyes fluttering shut. He had been hard for approximately the last two hours and this felt heavenly. He had to pull himself together so as not to come in his pants right then and there.

“I love this”, Hux whispered, softly stroking him through the fabric. “I love that I can do this to you.”

Kylo bit his lip. “I couldn’t get you out of my head”, he whipered. “I want you so much, Hux. I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Oh yeah?” Hux’s gaze became darker and then he leaned forward to kiss Kylo hungrily. And Kylo moaned into the kiss, because he felt his own desire mirrored in Hux. And that felt so unspeakably good. He put his hand to the nape of his neck, pulling him closer, desperately, pushing his tongue into his mouth, eager to taste him, to get more of him. He could feel Hux clawing at his shirt, trying to get it off and then his cool, slender hands were on his body and he felt like he could melt. He was so gone already, and they were only kissing. How was he supposed to make this good for Hux, if he was already that desperate? Sometimes he really felt betrayed by his own body for constantly being so feverishly aroused when he was around Hux.

He pulled away from the kiss, panting. “I… I think I need a moment.” He took a few deep breaths, trying to compose himself, but he was still achingly hard in his pants, his body craving relief. “Or maybe a few moments”, he admitted, frustrated. “Under an ice-cold shower.”

“Kylo.” Hux softly cupped his cheek. “Don’t be so hard on yourself. Just let me take care of this for you.”

He glided down from the sofa and got on his knees between Kylo’s legs. Kylo thought he might lose it just from the sight of it. “Don’t”, he whispered. “I want you to come first.”

“We have all the time in the world”, Hux said, looking up at him. “I know you’re going to make me come so good. But now it’s your turn. You deserve this for restraining yourself so well.” He kissed the insides of Kylo’s thighs through the fabric of his pants and Kylo bucked his hips, moaning deeply.

Hux didn’t hesitate any longer to open Kylo’s pants and take out his swollen dick. Then he leaned forward and took him in his mouth without restraint and Kylo was in heaven. Had he known that anything could feel this good, this perfect, he would have chased it all his life. He had to concentrate on not bucking upwards, because he didn’t want to hurt Hux and he opened and closed his hands, desperately keeping them from pulling Hux closer. He didn’t last long of course. He had been too eager too long and just seeing Hux kneeling in front of him was enough to make him writhe with pleasure.

“I’m going to come”, he whispered and was surprised when Hux, instead of pulling back leaned even closer. And then he couldn’t think anymore, because pleasure surged through him like hot iron, he saw stars before his eyes and all he could do was call out Hux’s name. 

He leaned back into the sofa when Hux moved up to sit next to him and he pulled him into his arms. “That was amazing”, he managed to get out. “Absolutely amazing.”

Hux chuckled lightly, a sound Kylo had never heard from him before and if that was possible he fell in love even deeper at that moment, just because he liked the sound so much. “I’m glad”, Hux said and moved closer to press his lips to the nape of Kylo’s neck. He put his head on Kylo’s shoulder and stayed there, softly stroking his shoulders and sides.

Kylo felt as if he was about to melt into the sofa.

And then after a while Hux moved his lips to Kylo’s ear. “When are you going to take me to bed?” he whispered.

And right away Kylo was achingly hard again, as if Hux hadn’t just made him come. He moaned and kissed Hux feverishly, which made picking him up and carrying him over to the bedroom a little difficult, but he managed without walking into a wall. 

And then they were finally on the bed, both undressed, even if a few fastenings had been destroyed in the process. Their bodies moved against each other as if they were magnetic and it was mesmerizing for Kylo to feel how much Hux wanted him. He couldn’t get enough of that feeling and he wished he had the patience to draw this out as long as possible, but he wanted him so much, he needed to make him come, ached to be inside of him…

Hux thrust his hips upwards and his dick moved against Kylo’s deliciously sweet and sinuous. Kylo groaned, desperately trying to retain some control. He owed it to Hux to make him come first this time. He’d already had his release even if he felt as if he’d been craving release for days.

“I want to come while you’re inside of me”, Hux moaned and Kylo completely stilled for a moment, desperately trying to keep his body from coming right then and there. “Oh stars”, he whispered, regaining some of his composure. “That was close.”

“You’re so sensual”, Hux whispered. “Turns me on like nothing else.” As If to prove it he moved his hips up against Kylo again and Kylo threw his head back. “Gonna make me come again”, he choked out.”

“I don’t mind. I want you to come as often as you want. I love it.”

“Don’t say that, I…”

“Then come inside me now.”

“I want to. I really want to.” Kylo fumbled for the lucricant on the nightstand. Hux had ordered more of the one they both liked best. A lot more. Despite being so hungry for him, Kylo still took his time preparing Hux. He was determined to get better at this after all and that meant putting his needs first.

When he finally entered Hux it felt divine. Like before when he’d been with Hux the force inside of him flourished, alight with energy and warmth. There was no conflict anymore, nothing holding him back, just pure joy and light, surging through him. For the first time in his life even those dark veins that constantly ran through everything good in his life filled up with life and he cried out, because it was almost too much for him to bear. 

He could feel Hux’s arms around him, could hear him calling his name and through the daze of his own bliss he remembered what he wanted to do more than anything else. He reached between them for Hux’s dick and started stroking him in the same rhythm he pushed into him. 

Just a litte more, he told himself. Don’t come yet, not yet, just a little longer…

“I love you”, he whispered in Hux’s ear. “You’re all I ever want, all I need…”

And then finally he felt Hux’s body tremble and then go rigid beneath him and he knew how close he was. He leaned down to kiss his lips, his neck and then Hux arched up and called out Kylo’s name and he could feel his release surge through him, making his body shudder, his hips vibrating with pleasure. 

And he followed right behind, the force welling up, tearing him open, racing through him and filling every part of his body, every muscle experiencing the feeling of extreme strain and release. Pure warm energy was trickling down his spine.

It left him completely boneless and he sank down next to Hux, feeling overwhelmed and completely sated at the same time. He had never felt at peace like this before. 

“Are you alright?” Hux whispered after a while, taking his hand. “That seemed … intense.”

“Yes.” Kylo swallowed hard. “It was. Life changing in a way, I think.”

“Oh.” Hux was silent after that.

After a while Kylo turned around to face him. He gently put a hand to his cheek and Hux looked him in the eye, questioningly.

“You can’t leave me anymore”, Kylo said. “I mean it.”

Hux shook his head. “I won’t.” He hesitated for a moment. “I can’t.”

*

Several exameters removed Rey, who had been checking the outer shields of a tie fighter on the hangar deck, froze in her movements. She climbed down from the platform she was standing on, sat down on the ground and closed her eyes. For a moment she concentrated deeply and then she smiled. It was true. There had been a shift in the force. 

Her connection to Kylo was strong enough by now that she sensed him right away, even though the distance. The darkness she had always been able to sense inside of him was still there, but it had grown considerably weaker, less threatening. There was warmth and joy and gratitude, running deep, finally soothing that deep-rooted rage inside of him.

She breathed in deeply. 

Knowing better than to disturb him now, she quietly pulled her force back and opened her eyes. Maybe things would turn out alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's the final chapter guys! Initially this story was supposed to have only two chapters but your comments were so kind I decided to write more. So thanks again for your support and thanks to my beta @senema! I'm gonna miss writing this!  
> Come visit me at my tumblr: [rattlesnake777](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/rattlesnake777)  
> 


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